Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Raw 12-12-11: The Slammy Awards!

If you're asking yourself "Where's the Final Resolution recap?" you should probably also ask yourself, "Does it really matter?" TNA's latest pay-per-view was so lackluster, they may as well have just had a 3-hour Impact this week and called it a day.

WWE Raw, however, held their Slammy awards show last night, and the show was entertaining as hell, with guest appearances by several legends that haven't been seen in a while. Here are the winners:

1. "Tell Me I Did Not Just See That" moment of the year: JR's dancing.
2. "Holy %&@*#!" moment of the year: Mark Henry and Big Show break the ring.
3. Pipe Bomb of the year: CM Punk
4. Divalicious moment of the year: Kelly Kelly wins her first title
5. OMG moment of the year: Undertaker kicks out of HHH's tombstone.
6. Trending Star of the year: Zack Ryder #WWWYKI
7. Game Changer of the year: The Rock
8. WWE A-lister of the year: Snooki
9. WWE Superstar of the year: CM Punk

A few matches managed to get squeezed into the show too:

1. Big Show v. Wade Barrett
2. Dolph Ziggler v. Daniel Bryan v. Cody Rhodes v. Zack Ryder - 5 out of 5
3. The Miz & Alberto Del Rio v. CM Punk & Randy Orton
4. Sheamus v. Jinder Majal - N/A
5. John Cena v. Mark Henry

Like I said before, this edition of Raw was littered with Guest Stars, causing a parade of mark-outs from the Girls Watch Wrestling living room. Mick Foley and Ted Dibiase (Sr.) presented the "Holy %&@*#!" moment slammy. The Road Dogg presented Pipe Bomb of the year. Kelly was presented her Slammy by Lita. Tony Atlas joined David Otunga to introduce the nominees for Trending Star of the year, though he mostly just laughed at his co-presenter. Golddust accompanied Vickie Guerrero for A-List star. Christian and Rey Mysterio also made appearances to present awards.

The big return of the night, however, was the much-anticipated return of Masked Kane. I have to admit, I was in and out of consciousness through most of Raw. Mondays I work ridiculously early, and this week I didn't get the real nap that would have allowed me to enjoy the show (which is why half the matches don't have ratings). After Punk won the Superstar of the year, that was the end of it, for me. I didn't really care about Henry v. Cena, and figured I could always watch the trainwreck the next morning. I went to bed, and had almost drifted off when I heard Mehe say, "They're not pulling the trigger on this now!?" Something about the tone of her voice told my brain to get alert. Then I heard the music. I grabbed my glasses and jumped out of bed. Damned if I'm going to miss Kane!!

He made his way down the ramp to the classic Kane theme, wearing a Rocketeer mask, from under which flowed an inexplicable mane of wavy brown locks. Mark Henry took his cue to get the hell out, but poor Cena didn't know what was happening and got chokeslammed for his troubles. Mike expressed doubt that it was really Kane, but then he took off the mask, revealing a more classic mask underneath, proving it to be the Real Deal.

Mark Henry, welcome to your nightmare.

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