Friday, October 21, 2011

Impact 10-20-11

TNA only had 3 real matches this week, in favor of a whole crapload of promos, mostly centering around Hogan and Bischoff. TNA, because Wrestling Matters.

1. Tara and Tessmacher v. Angelina Love and Winter - 3 out of 5. Good to see the Knockout Tag Champs again
2. Gunner v. Abyss - 1 out of 5. Seriously, what was the point of that? It wasn't even a proper squash.
3. Velvet Skye v. Madison Rayne - N/A. This was never supposed to be a match, but Karen Jarrett (weekly reminder: a Bitch) sure made Velvet believed it was happening.
4. James Storm v. Kurt Angle - 1 out of 5. What, seriously?

Like I mentioned, this was an absurdly promo-heavy show. The first one was so long it had at least two commercial breaks. There was a lot to cover there, sure, and it wasn't terrible, it's just that I feel sorry for those who watched it last night on TV. I laid down for a nap yesterday afternoon and nobody woke me up for wrestling, so I had to catch a replay stream today. Without commericals, the promo seemed like your regularly-paced opening segment. Why TNA decided it needed to cut it up so badly is beyond me. Dixie Carter is in control of the company, but Sting is now the General Manager of Impact. Bobby Roode demanded a rematch, but apparently there was a clause in the BFG contract that stated that Roode could only wrestle Angle once. This led up to the main event of the night being booked: Angle v. James Storm. Ohhhh, we will get there, my friends.

One of the main big developments of the night happened while Karen Jarrett was being a Bitch. She set up Velvet Skye to supposedly have a title match right then and there with Madison Rayne. The match turned out to just be a pretense, however, and Madison Rayne's entrance was just the distraction that allowed an attack from behind from Gail Kim, who's finally been released of her WWE duties. Also, is it just me, or is Karen Jarrett the TNA equivalent of John Laurinaitis? She's getting to the point where she's incapable of getting in the ring without reminding everyone that she's the VP of the Knockouts division.

Now... James Storm, new TNA World Heavyweight Champion. This was only the second time this year I've been spoiled about something in pro wrestling (the first being Christian's title loss just days after obtaining it for the first time). I was a little confused as to why (other than the fact that Hogan likes him better than Roode), but the opening promo sorted that out for me. Then the rest of the show was spent wondering how it would play out. I imagined an intense battle for about 15 minutes, the competitors trading clotheslines and suplexes, until Angle hooked in the Ankle Lock. Then Storm would roll out of it, overcome his opponent, and pin him for the win. That's how it should have played out. Instead, we got Angle beating on Storm in the corner for a couple of minutes and then turning around to argue with the ref. When he turned back around Storm superkicked him to oblivion and pinned him.

... What? Really? That was it? One of the biggest spoilers of the year, all that anticipation, and I sat through this whole damn show for that? I had to sit through Immortal being generally intimidating towards Hogan twice. I had to suffer Jeff Jarrett and Jeff Hardy battling it out again. I had to listen to Karen Jarrett be a Bitch for 5 solid minutes, and fail to make any sense with her motherhood comment. And then you insult me with a squash where there most certainly should not have been a squash. This is a title match, TNA, against two competitors who are, for argument's sake, more or less evenly matched. It's as though the writers got carried away on this week's promos and realized at the last minute that they forgot to leave any time for the main event. The knockouts had a longer match than Angle and Storm did. Oh, and here's the kicker: there was time left over after the match. You guessed it: more talking. Why not make the match longer, and leave the mics out of the celebration, and give us a decent match?

Oh, I get it. These go to "SUCK".

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