As you've no doubt gathered from Mehe, we were less than thrilled with the results of the show. That being said, let's look at the meat to that gravy: The Matches!
SummerSlam started with a surprise 6-man tag. Miz, R-Truth, and Alberto Del Rio teamed up against Morrison, Rey Mysterio, and Kofi Kingston. To be honest, this match probably really should have just been ADR vs. Mysterio, because these are the guys that were really there to be showcased. Then again, considering the twist ending to the night, the tag-team scenario makes sense, because we'll be seeing those guys tonight. In the end, R-Truth got got by Mysterio... and did anyone else notice the way Rey teabag-pinned Truth? That was just the ultimate insult to the conspiratorial injury.
Backstage, Punk sarcastically apologized to Laurinaitis, who demanded to know that the shot Punk took on Monday wasn't aimed at him. After that, Steph showed up (for the record, I marked like a little girl. I really hope I didn't hurt Mehe's ear the way I squealed)!! She wished Punk luck, and informed him that the rest of her family wished him luck as well. She offered to shake his hand, but he knows where that hand's been.
An aside here, between that jab, and the "I'm sure Steph has my number" comment from ComiCon, I think it would be hilarious to have an angle where it comes up that Punk and Steph had a fling at one point. I don't have extra details for this one, I just think it would be funny, because I think it's already set up.
Mark Henry beat Sheamus via countout. Henry took Sheamus outside the ring and plowed him through a barrier. Sheamus tried to crawl back to the ring, but he didn't quite make it back in time. However, he was not completely destroyed, so expect this rivalry to build.
Wade Barret beat Daniel Bryan. *sigh* There were some great reversals in this match, but it didn't really pop like it should have. Both competitors powered out of their opponent's finishers during the course of the match, but eventually Wade was able to hit the Wasteland to pin Bryan for the win.
C-Lo Green Performed. The Divas came out in their little red dresses and danced and had the time of their lives. Sooooooo.... yeah.
Diva's Title Match! I mentioned I was looking forward to this match. Maybe it was too much to hope that Beth Phoenix actually take the belt from SuperGirl. This match was better than Diva matches has been, but the pretty little girls have a long way to go before the fans will be satisfied. Kelly tried a couple new moves finally, and she managed to make it through half the match before she started screaming. However, I still found myself more interested in wondering if Kelly's outfit was gonna fall off. Seriously, that thing looked hastily thrown together and about two stitches from falling off at any minute.
Moving onto Randy Orton vs. Christian! Easily the best match of the night. The no-holds-barred bout started with Christian gloating that Edge would be in his corner that night. Edge looked excited to be making his entrance just one more time. He also looked like he felt great, complete with a fresh new haircut! However, things didn't work out for the champ when Edge called him a whiny little bitch and left him to throw his tantrum. Orton and Christian then proceeded to top their Money in the Bank match, complete with trash cans, tables, kendo sticks, and stairs in the ring. Also, the Spanish announce table actually collapsed! Orton improvised nicely with a broken table. Christian looked like he might have gotten out of the match with his title but then he decided it was a good idea to spit in Orton's face again. Pro Tip: it wasn't. Orton RKO'd Christian onto the stairs and took home the gold.
Meanwhile, in the other main event, the crowd was brimming with anticipation for the undisputed WWE Championship match. Sadly, the magic from Money in the Bank wasn't quite with them. There was plenty of back-and-forth grappling and plenty of reversals. And Punk showcased his skills selling submission maneuvers. Triple H, for his credit, called the match right down the middle... right up until he somehow missed Cena's leg on the ropes as Punk pinned him for the win. Cena tried to tell him after that fact, but Trips just apologized and held his decision. Cena left the ring, dejected.
But wait! That's not all! After Cena left, Punk continued to celebrate in the ring. Trips made it almost all the way up the ramp, and I finally decided to write down the points (because I wasn't convinced until then that the decision would stand). While I was looking down, Punk got run down by a Mac Truck named Diesel. Trips looked confused, and began to make his way back to the ring, but before he got very far Del Rio showed up to cash in his briefcase! The bell rang, and in a few seconds, the Mexican Aristocrat finally fulfilled his destiny.
I'm calling it now: Night of Champions features a fatal 4-way for the WWE championship: John Cena vs. CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio (or, as my boyfriend calls him, The Chihuahua).
So, there are plenty of people tonight who will have plenty to talk about. Cena and Punk will need to gripe. Del Rio will need to gloat. Beth Phoenix will need to bitch. HHH will need to be generally annoyed. And the girls of Girls Watch Wrestling will need to hear every. single. word.
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