Thursday, August 18, 2011

TNA Impact 8-18-2011

And just so I don't get too far behind, I wrote two posts, almost literally at the same time.

Impact starts with Sting in the ring. He's trying to call out Hulk Hogan, but gets... Ric Flair? Welcome back, Naitch!

Ahh, Ric Flair. Acting just as crazy as he ever was. He voiced his respect for Sting, and offered himself up in ONE MORE MATCH! Here's the catch, though: If Sting wins, Flair will give him Hogan. But if Sting loses, he has to retire. And not one of Flair's retirements.

After the commercial break, Hogan went crazy on Flair. If you listen to his words, apparently his problem is that he took everything he had out on Sting and he's still standing. Here in the Girls Watch Wrestling household, we think he was really pissed about his terrible extentions. Meanwhile, Flair continued to be crazy (drunk? high? old and senile?). Either way, he's confident that there's no way Sting can beat him. He really thinks Sting is on his way out.

Time for a Bound for Glory match! This time it's Big Poppa Punk vs. Devon! Devon wasted no time dropping Steiner for an early advantage, but a well-timed elbow caught Devon just off-guard enough for Scott to pin Devon. He used the ropes to help him, but the ref never caught it and Steiner picked up the points. After the match, Samoa Joe showed up out of nowhere and threw some kind of a submission maneuver on Devon. Devon's kids got up in the ring, and shortly after, Pope joined them. Joe left, looking incredibly smug.

During the break, apparently, Joe cut a monster promo. He vowed to continue to take out the Bound for Glory competitors until there weren't any left. He also said no one would stop him, and that no one in higher management had the balls to fire him. So there.

Next! A #1 Contenders Gauntlet for the X-Division Championship. First up: Alex Shelley, and Mark Haskins (we're not sure, either, but he's chosen a gimmick that's already being used by a certain Prince of Parkour). At any rate, he somehow picked up the win over Shelley and had to go up against Robbie E. Robbie was too busy arguing with Cookie, and got rolled up immediately, so Zima Ion got next pick of Haskins. Zima hit a nice splash to pin Haskins. Next up: Jesse Sorenson. Pins Zima. Anthony Neese is the next to come in. He's brutal, but Sorenson eventually picks up a win. Kid Kash is in! However, it's time for a commercial.

What a terrible time for a commercial!! However, my fingers are very glad for it, because this match is hard to keep up with!

Apparently, we didn't miss much during the commercial, as we came back to the same two guys. Sorenson somehow managed to pin Kid Kash, and then there were two: Austin Aires joins the fray! However, before the last bout can continue, Kid Kash plowed Sorenson into the mat! Aires thought the had it in the bag, but his casual pin was not enough and Sorenson kicked out. Wasn't too much longer, however, before Aires finally got the better of his opponent, becoming the #1 Contender for the X-Division Championship (in case you forgot through all that what the hell that whole mess was about). Afterwards, Aires acted like he'd been in the ring the whole time, and Kendrick came out to shake his hand in congratulations. When Austin just walked on without acknowledging the show of respect, Kendrick attacked him, and the fight still hadn't been broken by security when commercial broke.

When we came back, there was a quick recap of the Sting/Flair angle, and the commentators told us that the beatdown Anderson endured last week caused a rupture of both his eardrums and that he would be out indefinitely. After that, there was a promo for the Bound for Glory Pay-Per-View!

Backstage, it was clear that ODB was about to go up against Mickie James. She actually seemed excited, and acknowledged Mickie's talent. Jaqueline just quipped "she's not us." These girls gave it to us good. I'd even go so far as to say it's the best women's match I've seen in a long time. ODB threw Mickie outside the ring at one point, and Jackie resisted the urge interfere. Maybe that was a mistake for this pair, because a few minutes later, Mickey finally hit her DDT to pin ODB for the win. Afterwards, Jackie forced herself to offer a handshake. It will be interesting to see how this affects her relationship with ODB.

Meanwhile, Winter had a champion-gasm over her title backstage. She's pretty confident Mickie won't take it back from her.

It's time for another Bound for Glory match! Rob van Dam took on A.J. Styles. This match ended when Jerry Lynn pulled the ref out of the ring while Styles was pinning him. Earlier in the match, he'd argued with the ref about the speed of his counts, so this was all the official needed to call the match, and take another 10 points from Van Dam. Jerry Lynn pleaded that he was only trying to help. Van Dam told him he doesn't need any help. This friendship is going downhill fast, folks.

Flair went looking for Sting in a warehouse. There was a lot of scurrying and pipe-falling noises before Sting finally showed his face. Naitch acted like he didn't want to fight and then Gunner attacked Sting from behind! That blind ambush didn't last long, however, and Sting made quick work of him while Flair fled.

Eric Young wandered Los Angeles looking for Scott Baio. Looks like he's gonna find him next week!

Crimson limped his way to the ring after the beating he took last week. He called out Angle, and the champion obliged. (WTF was Angle wearing????) Crimson apparently took exception to the fact that Angle chose him as his first victim in his crusade to take out the young talent. Angle took credit for making all the young stars. He claimed that the young kids have no respect for him, but Crimson claimed that all the young talent has nothing BUT respect for Kurt Angle. Anyway, after all was said and done, the undefeated Crimson challenged Angle to a match next week.

Main Event! Mexican Amerca took on Beer money for the Tag Team Championship. Mexican America (THANK GOD) did not do their stupid little entrance dance. Jeff and Karen Jarret were at the announce table for this match, and I would LOVE to have heard the Spanish announce team when they came out. Beer Money had control of the match for the most part, until Rosita came in and spit at them. Karen and Jeff ran down from commentary to keep Beer Money from giving the girl what she deserved, and of course it all went downhill from there. End of story, Mexican America are the new tag team champs. *le sigh* Woo.

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