Friday, August 12, 2011

TNA Impact 8-11-11

So did I mention that this is the first time since I really started following TNA that I've been excited to tune in to see what happens next? The fallout from pay-per-view shows has probably always been my favorite part of pro wrestling, and since there were some things I really enjoyed about Hardcore Justice, there was definitely something to be seen this week.

The show started, as it does every week, with Immortal, and more specifically, Bully Ray, making their way to the ring because he's got some stuff to get off his chest. He's got a big chest, so I guess it's justifiable that there's always something on it. He started with Abyss, chewing him out for losing the six-man tag for Immortal, and telling him that he's in hot water with the boss. That lasted all of about thirty seconds before he turned his attention, as everyone expected, towards Ken Anderson. It seemed at first that he was going to be chivalrous, calling Ken a "Tough SOB" and stating that he'd underestimated his opponent. Of course, it being Bully Ray, he completely fucked up any redemption he might have had by being cocky and stating that he was a better wrestler. Ken was understandably suspicious when Bully Ray tried to shake his hand (after all, last time he shook hands with this guy, he ended up with a knee to the gut), and instead of accepting a truce, responded by punching him in the face. With the rest of Immortal in the ring, you can imagine how well that turned out for poor Ken, and he ended up being carted out on a stretcher with blood trickling from his forehead. Ohhhhh, there's more. But that's later in the show.

Bischoff had some words for Immortal backstage. He promised Bully Ray he'd never go against his recommendations again, and then he berated Abyss for his loss. Standard stuff, really.

Mickie James and Madison Rayne had a #1 contender's match for the Knockout's title. Madison tried every trick in her pretty little girl book, but Mickie wasn't falling for it. At the end, Mickie put on Madison's tiara and finished her off for the win.

Brian Kendrick had a match. With Robbie E. Kendrick came out wearing those same stupid pants that he was wearing on Sunday. It's like he slept in his gear, cuddling his championship belt, and then woke up an hour before the show and went, "Crap! Well maybe if I shave it'll look like I cleaned up." Really, though, he just looked like a 12-year-old who had just discovered Sabu's closet and the art of tailoring all in the same day. Wasn't a good result. Neither was the match, for Robbie. Cookie thought she'd damn the man and spray hairspray into Brian Kendrick's eyes, but Brian ducked and she ended up nailing Robbie instead. Needless to say, Robbie lost, and afterwards, he and Cookie fell out backstage. Good! Now maybe Cookie can get a less awkward story that doesn't involve the Jersey Shore and her complete lack of an accent.

Bound for Glory was a six-man tag match. That is, 2 vs. 2 vs. 2. One of those teams was Pope and Devon. After Hardcore Justice, Devon and Pope only seemed to be about a page closer to each other, just enough to keep it interesting. They were up against Beer Money, AJ Styles, and RVD, and it didn't end in their favor. Bobby Roode pinned the Pope, and Devon looked disappointed by the result.

Kurt Angle explained his heel turn. Apparently Dixie Carter knew about what was going on between Jeff & Karen and lied to him? So now he's on a roaring rampage of revenge. Oh, yeah, and Hogan's the one who told him all that. They laid the smackdown on Sting together. Oh, and Angle vowed to start taking out all the new young talent one by one.

Tara and Tessmacher had a match against Jackie & ODB. This match was a test by Bischoff to see if the latter pair deserved their jobs back. It was going alright till ODB lost her temper. Jackie lost focus on the match to try to remind her why they were there, and the distraction allowed the Knockout Tag champs to take away the victory. Also in this match, an awesome superplex performed by Tara on ODB. As a matter of fact, it was the Direct Auto Insurance Impact of the Night.

Bischoff has the stars of the X-Division in his office. The X-Division is back! And it has a weight limit so that Abyss can't take them out. Eric isn't happy about that. I think the fans would disagree. Yay!!!

Jeff and Karen came out and brought with them "Jose" and "Jos-b." They were hoping to get these guys to say "Jeff Jarret is the King of Mexico" but they didn't speak English. They understood the concept of royalty, however, and when they spotted Hector Guerrero on Spanish commentary, they declared (in Spanish, of course) that the Guerreros were the only true kings of Mexican wrestling, even calling their names. All of them. Jeff became annoyed and attacked them, but Hector came to their rescue with a chair. My boyfriend commented that Hector was the classiest of the Guerreros.

Apparently there was a segment here involving Eric Young. I swear I was paying attention. I do not remember this.

Ken Anderson returned to the Impact Zone. It looked like he'd turned to the undead before he made it to the hospital and had escaped from his ambulance. He was looking for revenge on Bully Ray, but he ended up getting some more abuse from Bully and Gunner instead. That segment ended with the camera on a wall with only the sound of Anderson's screaming. Now, I'm only gonna say this once, because I think it would be awesome and beautiful and Ken could totally pull it off:

I. Want. A. Zombie. Angle. Find a suitable substitute and keep the "blood off the forehead look" and just have him shamble around dazed, forever. Either he abandons his regular entrance, or he modifies it. When he grabs the mic, he lets out one, long, loud, painful groan, followed by a shorter, angrier grunt. When he wins a match, he ends by biting his opponent, either in the shoulder, or the leg, or in the case of Bully Ray, right on top of the head. The opponents scream and run in fear. Obviously, this man has lost his mind! Meanwhile, Ken kneels (or squats, or sits) in the middle of the ring, grinning with the taste of flesh!!!


Okay, back to the actual show. The main event for the night was a Bound for Glory match between Crimson, Bully Ray, Scott Steiner, and Gunner. Obviously, this doesn't look good for Crimson, since it's basically 3 on 1. In the end, however, Crimson came out on top and pinned Gunner for another 7 points. The victory didn't last long, though. Kurt Angle made good on his threat from earlier and starting beating Crimson... with his shoes!!! He didn't stop there, though, and ended the show in the ring, the ankle lock firmly locked in place.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm missing SmackDown!!

1 comment:

  1. I only have one thing to say about impact: who throws a shoe? I mean, really?