Raw Supershow 9-5-11

Apologies for the delay, once again. To make up for it, I have a new format for discussing the shows, which includes a 1-5 ranking system for the matches!

The matches:

1. Air Boom v. The Great Khali & Jinder Mahal - 3 out of 5. Good spots and a surprising win from the champs, but overall pretty much what you'd expect.

2. Beth Phoenix v. Eve - 2 out of 5. #1 contenders matches, even (and probably especially) from the women should be better than this. Hopefully Beth can finish the job this time.

3. CM Punk v. R-Truth - 4 out of 5. Interesting matchup, and a good followup to last week's match with Miz. I'll admit it, I'm warming up to Truth.

4. Jerry Lawler & Zack Ryder v. David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty - 3 out of 5. I want to give this a 4 for Lawler & Ryder. But I also want to give it a 2 for Tag-Us. So I split the difference.

5. Randy Orton v. Heath Slater - 4 out of 5. Yeah, maybe it's cause I'm a Slater mark, but this match was overall better than expected.

6. Cena, Sheamus, Morrison, and Riley v. Christian, Ziggler, Swagger, and Barret - 3 out of 5. Sheamus, Barret, Ziggler, and Swagger performed admirably, but Morrison looked lazy, and come on, who didn't see Cena taking this match home for his team?

Now, let's talk developments this week. First issue: Kevin Nash. Nash has been stiff since his return, both physically and on the mic. Even hardcore nostalgia marks have been cringing at him. Well, Triple H fired him on air on Monday, and today the official announcement went up on WWE.com: Nash has been future endeavored. Will we see him again? He's undeniably a legend, and probably is still on friendly terms, but let's face it: this whole ordeal has been an embarrassment to the company. If we do see him again, I'd bank on it being a while. Hopefully by then he'll have loosened his mic chops back up, and we'll be able to listen to him without it hurting.

Now, let's talk about Zack Ryder. As you no doubt have noticed by now, we at Girls Watch Wrestling are card-carrying members of the Zack Pack. Somehow in my subconscious, when Lawler started talking about his partner this week, my first thought was "It's gotta be Zack Ryder." Excited to see him on Raw again, and doubly excited to see him win a real match against real wrestlers. The WWE seems to be toying with the idea of legitimizing the Internet Championship, which is something I would be okay with. TNA and Ring of Honor both have Television titles, and WWE does not. Sure, they have the Intercontinental and US championships, but the Internet Championship would be a great way to put some attention on lower-card performers. They could even take it a step further if they wanted, and open a monthly poll to the fans to choose which performers get to be contenders. Just a thought.

Lastly, there's the business portion of the talking segments. Several matches and stipulations were added to the card for Night of Champions. The Awesome Truth will be challenging Air Boom for the tag titles, which ought to be a great match no matter how you slice it. Beth Phoenix won the right to face Kelly for the Diva's championship. Hopefully Beth will take it home this time, but after SummerSlam, and with the way the Diva's division has begun to once again disappoint, I'm not holding my breath. And CM Punk's match with Triple H is now No Disqualifications. Oh yeah, if Trips loses, he has to resign as COO. You mean Nash is gone and we have an interesting stipulation for this match? Okay, guys, NOW I'm listening. I'm only wondering if Triple H will want something in return. Maybe, if Punk loses, he's not allowed to talk for a predetermined period of time? Like, at all. This guy has the face that can pull that off.

Okay, yeah. Suddenly I'm wanting to see Punk using only non-verbal communication...

Time to catch up!

We at Girls Watch Wrestling apologize for the delay in updates and want to reassure our readers that everything in our house and with our families. Luckily for us, we and our loved ones sustained minimal damage from the hurricane, and everyone is safe and secure.

To save everyone from a Wall of Text, I'm going to try to condense what we've missed as much as possible.

Due to the craziness that was Hurricane Preparation, Mehe and I both missed TNA Impact. I gather from the twitter feed that followed the next day, however, that Cookie has been released and has already lined up work elsewhere. Also, Kurt Angle apparently beat the fuck out of Gunner, and he reported that yes, he really needed 9 stitches. So there's that.

So, on to highlights from Smackdown! Bret Hart was the special guest GM last week, and he called Christian an embarrassment to Canada, with his hair wet (which he really really needs to not do at this point). Well, Christian had a note from his lawyer stating that no one would get a title shot before him, so Bret went ahead and booked him in a steel cage title match on SuperSmackDown tonight. After that, he beat Danial Bryan in a match.

Next up, Wade Barrett was faced with some local no-name, so he expressed his disrespect and exited the arena. After that, in what has become something of an infamous incident throughout the Internet Wrestling Community, Sin Cara beat Heath Slater. Apparently, this match was much more horrid than what we were shown and they had to go back twice to retape spots. Kinda sounds like NOFACE 2.0 is not working out much better than the original.

Ted DiBiase had a match against Orton, but the real star here was Cody Rhodes being absolute magic. First, he talked up some big words, and then when Ted was unable once again to come away with the win, he planted the Boy Wonder and put a paper bag over his head.

There was a Divas match. Worst one since the Divas of Doom reboot, because Kelly's opponent was Tamina, and apparently we're supposed to believe that Kelly's the more dominant athlete in this matchup. Kelly pounded on Tamina for several minutes before the legacy diva finally got some licks of her own in. Ultimately, though, Kelly got in her Five Moves of Doom. Probably this match was supposed to make Kelly look like a formidable competitor, but it only made me that much more hungry to see Nattie and Beth CRUSH HER.

Big Zeke beat Khali. Whoopi. Sheamus gave Mark Henry a taste of his own medicine and won their bout via countout. It made him look absolutely dominating. Mark Henry took out his frustrations on the announce table after he used it to regain his feet.

Meanwhile, on Monday Night Raw: HHH is still pissed about last week, but first! The Brand Extension is over! Starting immediately! Okay, enough of that, time for a game of Why, Nash, Why??? Punk joined in the game and demanded that the COO stop lying to HIM. Then Nash had what I'm told is the old NWO theme (yeah, I'm still working on my history lessons, I would not have pulled that one out by myself), and wore an apparently similarly nostalgic outfit. Turns out Laurinaitis gave him a job. Punk was disgusted... to say the least. He made some more jabs about Stephanie McMahon, and then reminded us once again about that whole "pipe bomb" thing when he went THERE. When you question your boss's... manliness, shall we say?... well, hey, he got what he wanted as the end result. Nash at Night of Champions.

Champion vs. Champion! Randy Orton took on Dolph Ziggler. The match was amazing, and it could be easy to skim over the small things, but I'm a bit of a Vickie mark, and I have to say two things about her screen time last night: First of all, it was very refreshing to have Vickie ringside and not hear ONE WORD from the commentators about her physical appearance. Secondly, she absolutely shined in her role as a manager. If she keeps up this amazing performance, there may be a spot for her in the Hall of Fame someday.

John Cena tried to call out ADR, but got Mark Henry instead. Then Christian joined. Then Sheamus balanced things out and the heels left. The main event for the night was born.

The Miz vs. CM Punk. Ohhhhh yes, my friends, I was a happy little fangirl to see those two in the ring together. Miz cut an AWESOME promo (which Punk yawned through) and then they got their game faces on. Looked like the match was over for Miz, but Miz didn't care about the win last night. His new friend R-Truth rushed to the ring to help him beat down Punk, and it wasn't long at all before Nash joined the party, and then ended it with a powerbomb.

NOFACE and his horrible mood lighting were in the ring with Jack Swagger. Vickie was observing again. 3 guesses how this turned out. Dolph got jealous, but this time he actually got up on the apron and started screaming insults at Swagger who instantly got rolled up by Sin Cara. After that, it was time for the rematch for the Tag Team Championship. Air Boom (dang, I so liked "Infectious") retained against Tag-Us, who took their frustrations out on Jerry Lawler's headset because he called them boring. Truth hurts, don't it boys?

The Bellas beat Kelly using Twin Magic. Thank God.

I, uh, fell asleep here. Sorry! I've been sick for awhile, and I'd taken something, and I finally lost consciousness just before the main event. I have been told, and have read, that John Cena and Sheamus beat Christian and Mark Henry when Cena pinned Christian. Also, after the match, apparently Trips told Punk that there was a change on the card for Night of Champions. Instead of Nash, Punk is going to be facing the Game himself.

One wonders if that has anything to do with that "panties" comment....

Monday Night Raw 8-15-11

Please forgive my delay on this post. Mehe brought home the crud from her job, and I caught it, or I would have had this up two days ago. Anyway, Monday night was, as expected, a night with a lot of talking, so let's talk about that.

The show started, just as Mehe predicted, with HHH. (damn you, Mehe, and your keen wrestling instincts. this is why you are the historian and I am just the faithful recruit) First of all, he apologized to Cena, as he found when he reviewed the tape that Cena was telling the truth, and his foot was on the ropes. He then went on to explain that Nash had asked him for skybox tickets, and that he had no idea what he was planning. Then he introduced the new WWE champion, Alberto Del Rio.

Del Rio, as expected, gloated. He said he couldn't resist the chance to cash in after Nash had run in (because that was such a coincidence). Then he told the San Diego crowd that he was going to crush their hero in their match later that night.

John Morrison and R-Truth had a falls-count-anywhere match, and R-Truth finally had music! Kudos to whoever did this awesome guitar instrumental version of "What's Up" because it is amazing and I am looking forward to hearing it for weeks to come. After the awesome revelation of the new music, the match commenced to take the competitors all over the audience and to the announce table before Morrison put Truth away.

Jared from Subway is in the front row! Miz took his #OvenCrispChickenSandwich (what is wrong with you Mizfits, not getting that trending on Twitter?? How could you let #replacebandnameswithpancakes continue to dominate??) and showed Jared how to sell a sub!

More Diva action. Woo. Kelly and Eve beat the Bellas. The only good part really was after the match (Oh, Kelly and Eve won, like that's a surprise. Or like you care), Nattie and Beth came out looking absolutely amazing, sarcastically slow-clapping the champ and her best bud.

Kevin Nash finally came out to tell his story. According to him, he got a text from HHH's phone telling him to take out whoever won the match. According to him, his actions were "just business." Well, you can imagine that Punk had something to say about that. The former champion wasn't mad at Del Rio for doing his job as the winner of Money in the Bank; he was pissed at Big Daddy Cool for his seemingly unprovoked attack. The two exchanged words, and Punk at least was ready to exchange punches, but a line of security blocked his path to the ring.

Jack Swagger took on Alex Riley while Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero sat at commentary. Dolph and Vickie were like an old married couple, and for some reason, halfway through the match, Vickie decided to steal JR's hat and head up to the apron. She distracted the ref and allowed Swagger to pick up the victory. Afterwards, Dolph stomped on JR's hat, and he and his manager left the arena. Later on, backstage, Swagger suggested that Vickie take on multiple clients, like all great managers before her.

YES. YES. A THOUSAND TIMES YES. A friend of mine a while back mentioned a planned return to more managers. I am hoping that this is the beginning of that. Pair it with Jimmy Hart's appearance at SummerSlam, and there's an awesome possibility there. It's not like they have any shortage of managers working backstage (or hell, in front of it, there are plenty of Divas that can't work and need something to be paid for).

Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne beat Otunga & McGillicutty.

Finally, the billed main event: Del Rio vs. Mysterio. I was a bit worried, the show being in San Diego, but I forgot hometowns mean nothing these days, and in the end Del Rio successfully defended his title. He would have continued his beating on Rey, but John Cena rescued the pint-sized... you know what? I have no more cute nicknames for him. Moving on. While Punk isn't pissed at Del Rio, Cena is. He informed Alberto that he is now a target, and everyone in the back is now his enemy. Cena's speech was so powerful, the arena mouse ran away.

Now, about that four-way dance...

SummerSlam 2011: The Greatest Party of the Summer?

Its 6 o'clock EST.  Two hours til showtime!

I'm not excited.

Not at all. Why?

There's just five matches planned, that's why.  I know Jim Ross let slip on his twitter that there might be surprises coming, but let's be honest- this is supposed to be the second biggest pay per view of the year, right behind WrestleMania.  There's talk that Cee Lo Green has ninety minutes set aside for his 'concert'.  That's an hour and a half.  An HOUR AND A HALF.  Please, correct me if I'm wrong, but the majority of fans watch these pay per views for the WRESTLING, not some concert.  Didn't the WWE learn anything from the Kid Rock debacle at WrestleMania 25.  His set went on way too long and completely overshadowed the 25-diva battle royal that followed it.  It was terrible.  I predict nothing less for this 'concert'.

That being said, let's take a look at the card, shall we?

Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett: A go-home addition to the card, this match has promise.  Both Bryan and Barrett are good workers in the ring.  Erm... well, Bryan is a great worker in the ring but for some reason the WWE only wants him to be mediocre at best.  Barrett has shown vast improvement since the Nexus debuted last year.  He is light years ahead of the rest of the former stable, and I truly feel he's gonna be a breakout star in the next year.  One can only hope, at least.  Bryan'll win this one, probably by the skin of his teeth.

Kelly Kelly (the Divas Champion) vs. Beth Phoenix:  I have extremely high hopes for this match.  I want to see Beth wipe the floor with Kelly.  I want to see a strong Diva (I almost typed knockout, ha ha) with the TrampStamp Title.  Beth is by far the best WWE Diva under contract today.  Sorry, Nattie.  She's strong, sexy, talented, and able to use a microphone.  She also does not look like she needs to make a trip to the catering table at least twice a day.  She's a real woman.  And I like that.  I predict Beth wins the match, and begin a new strong Diva era.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry:  Personal bias here.  I want to see Sheamus win this, cause he's dead sexy.  He's got everything going for him, and if by the grace of whomever's watching over me I ever get a chance at him, I'm so taking it.  Besides my personal bias, Smackdown is lacking in a strong babyface character at the moment, and Sheamus can be that man.  He's got everything he needs to do it- mike skills, talent, good looks.  Exceedingly hot good looks.  LET'S GO SHEAMUS.  DO IT FOR IRELAND.  DO IT FOR YOUR FANGIRLS.  (Oh, and if there are any other Sheamus fangirls reading this, let me know.)

Christian (World Heavyweight Champion) vs. Randy Orton:  This match could really go either way and the crowd will go home happy.  If Orton wins, the crowd gets their beloved Viper back with gold, if Christian wins, they get to boo the bad guy out of the arena.  I'm a little reticient to make a prediction for this, but I'm gonna go with Christian.

C.M. Punk (WWE Champion) vs. JHERRRRRRNNNNNN CEEEEEENAAAAA (WWE Champion):  YOu know, I'm looking forward to this match most of all.  There's massive momentum heading into this.  C.M. Punk has the disillusioned Voiceless in his corner and his pocket.  He knows that John was right on Monday.  He needs this match.  He needs to win.  Because the typical WWE fan is fickle.  They'll jump right back on the JOHNCENABANDWAGON as soon as John wins a match against Punk.  and Cena?  Cena needs this match, too.  He might already have his WrestleMania 28 opponent inked, but what if his fans turn on him before then?  Who'll care about Cena then?

There's one element in this match that I didn't mention, the special guest referee.  The COO of the WWE, Mr. Haiches (thanks to R-Truth).  Haiches has an agenda here, and anyone who thinks he's not going to pull some hijinks is fooling themselves.  When has a special guest referee ever called a match straight down the middle?  HHH is going to interfere somehow, and when he does, it's going to backfire on him.

The wildcard in this match is John Lauranitis.  He's been punched in the face by Cena and kicked in the head by Punk.  There's no way he's going to sit quietly on the sidelines while this match is contested.  To quote a theme, there's no chance in hell.

I'm giving this match to C.M. Punk.  He's riding so high right now he can't afford to lose.  I don't think he's going to win clean.  I don't think he cares, either.  A win is a win, and no matter what, Punk is a winner.

This is Mehe, signing off for now.

I got an 808 Raw

It's Thursday!!! I have to say, this is the most excited I've been to tune in to TNA since I've started watching (which, as I mentioned, hasn't been long). But before we have that tonight, and Smackdown tomorrow, and Summer Slam on Sunday, I should probably prevent myself from getting too far behind!

So, let's talk Monday Night Raw, shall we?

The plot thickens in the Cena/Punk rivalry! HHH announced that he can't trust anyone but himself, so he's decided to appoint himself the special guest referee in the undisputed championship match on Sunday. What about the rest of us, Trips? Do you think we trust you? I trust Mr. Helmsley about as far as I can throw him... which basically means, if I trust him, I hurt myself and end up needing a chiropractor. Cena must feel the same way, because he had some words to exchange with the new McMahon as he entered the ring for his match. The response?

"Whatever happens in that match, it'll be because I want it to happen."

Well, that's not making us feel any better about this potential abuse of power.

After that, Cena beat Jack Swagger. Predictable, but it still made me sad. Yes, I like Jack Swagger. No, I don't know why. By the way, I know I'm not the only one who's waiting for Jack to start carrying a sport's almanac with him to the ring.

I missed a lot more of the next bit of Raw than intended. Went to grab some grub, got parked and forgotten about, and as a result, I completely missed Miz destroying Rey Mysterio (DAMMIT!) and Kofi Kingston. Which would have been fine, but I also missed Punk's victory over Alberto Del Rio (DOUBLE DAMMIT!).

The Divas continued to work hopefully towards a new era of women's wrestling in the WWE. Beth Phoenix came out on top to beat Wonder Woman--I mean Eve! She followed by beginning to cut another heel-tastic promo, but she made the mistake of exiting the ring first, and was quickly ambushed by SuperGirl--I mean Kelly! (There are a lot of superheroes in the WWE by the way, have you noticed? I'm still trying to decide who Beth Phoenix is, but I'm starting to think she should be carrying at Boom Stick.) As a girl who loves wrestling and has lamented the decline of the Diva's division, I'm hoping that Beth and Kelly can carry a halfway decent match on Sunday. I fully expect Beth to devour Kelly, of course--if her ears don't start bleeding from all the screaming.

Dolph "Perfect 2.0" Ziggler took on Alex Riley in what should have been a no-brainer. But for some reason, Vickie got involved, Dolph got disqualified and the two began to argue. HOORAY!!! I'm probably the only person in the world who thinks this, but I want to see Vickie turn face. Probably, however, it'll be Dolph that turns, leaving Vickie open to manage another hot new heel. Maybe she can team up with Riley and make him as interesting as his theme music!

R-Truth vs. John Morrison. I love that R-Truth is running with the whole arachnophobia thing, because how many times have the commentators called Morrison Spiderman? Mehe picked Truth in our fantasy draft this year, and at first I scoffed at her. The first time she got points off him, I was in disbelief. Now, I can't even believe her luck. Kudos to you, and your "feelings," Mehe. I may have to trade in for him after this Sunday.

And then there was the main event: the contract signing. Cena and Punk traded "The Reason You Suck" Speeches for a while, and eventually they got around to actually signing the damn thing. Punk's been hot as of late, and I love it, and I am rooting for Punk, but dammit all I have to give Cena his due. He's always been able to talk. Ever seen his early backstage promo as The Prototype? It was clear then that he had that particular skill pretty well under his belt. We keep forgetting that he's supposed to be the FACE in this situation because we're all so enamored with the supposed bad guy. But Punk isn't the Lex Luthor to John Cena's Superman. He's Batman. It's just a matter of taste, and I've always been a Batman kinda girl anyway.

Oh, right, the contract signing. Punk called Cena a failed bodybuilder, Cena called Punk a one-hit wonder, and then they both decided that the only way they could truly express their emotions was the simplest basis of the company: physical violence. John Laurinaitis recieved a misaimed blow, HHH got between them, and it all ended with Punk being justifiably paranoid that the new COO is in Cena's corner. I gotta tell you, kids, I really don't have any idea what to expect on Sunday when it comes to these guys.

Watch that HHH dude, though. He seems shady.

Epic Moments in Pro Wrestling, Part One

    We are now six full weeks removed from the Epic Promo Shoot that CM Punk gave on Monday Night Raw (6/27/2011).  The effects of this rant are still being felt in ripples across the seascape of "Sports Entertainment".  It caused an abrupt changing of the guard in the management and direction of the WWE.  It was, for lack of a better word, amazing.  That being said, I'd like to take a look back at other Epic Moments In Pro Wrestling, and I'll start with:

    Austin 3:16

    "You sit there, and you thump your Bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere... Talk about your Psalms, talk about your John 3:16 ... Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass!"

    With these words, The Attitude Era of the WWF(E) was born.  For a very long time, wrestling had been stale, kiddie oriented, and frankly kind of boring.  It seemed that only the most die hard of fans had held on.  We were hoping for a hero.  We were downtrodden and dissapointed by what we were being given.  Clowns, Trashmen, Mantaurs.  It was horrible.  Then, this happened.  Attentions were grasped.  Steve Austin, a very talented but underappreciated wrestler, signed with the WWF(E) and was saddled with a gimmick called The Ringmaster.  He was instructed not to talk, given a manager (the wonderful Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase), and the Million Dollar Championship.  It was a poor fit for the man who would become arguably one of the most popular wrestlers of all time.

    Then came King of the Ring 1996.  A Cinderella story had been built around Jake "The Snake" Roberts, who had become a Born-Again Christian and was recovering from long bouts with drug abuse and alcoholism.  He made it all the way to the finals of the tournament, as did Steve Austin.  Austin defeated Jake, and during the Crowning Ceremony (personal interjection: no wrestler should wear a crown unless his name is Jerry Lawler, and even then it's iffy at best), Steve went completely off script and uttered the sentences I have quoted above.

    A phenomenon was born.

    Austin 3:16 shirts flew off the shelves.  They were EVERYWHERE.  At football games, in hallways of high schools, in the malls, at Spencer's Gifts.  You couldn't spit and not hit someone wearing one.  It was amazing.  Austin continued to deliver week after week, taking on everyone in his path.  He became the representative of the working man when he put himself in the path of one Mr. McMahon (the on-air character of the real life owner of the WWF(E), Vince McMahon.


    One could say that Sports Entertainment was born out of that rivalry.  One could say many things.  However, in all truthfulness, Austin 3:16 was one of the most memorable turning points in the history of this beloved sport of ours.  And we wouldn't have it any other way.

    This is Mehe, signing off for now.

Just a Quick Observation

They're really pushing for the ice cream bars!