Raw 3-26-12

1. Daniel Bryan & Kane v. Sheamus & Randy Orton - 3 out of 5
2. Santino Marella v. David Otunga - 2 out of 5
3. Kelly Kelly v. Eve - 2 out of 5
4. CM Punk v. Christian - N/A
5. Brodus Clay v. Curt Hawkins - 3 out of 5
6. Big Show v. Primo - 1 out of 5
7. Mark Henry v. The Great Khali - 2 out of 5


Unfortunately, Raw did not deliver quite as well as Smackdown did. There were some really great points, however. CM Punk completely losing his shit comes to mind. But a lot of the show was stuff I could have done without seeing.

I get the WrestleMania preview matches. I get it, I do. And I would complain about the Team Teddy/Team Johnny matches being uneven, except the whole damn match is uneven. Teddy has chosen a team of fucking comedians, while Johnny has systematically assembled a goddamn wrecking crew. It's like if you advertised a war between Sith and Jedi, and then instead of Jedi, you just sent in a group of Gungans, and then Watto comes buzzing in behind them with a flag that says, "WEESA NO LIKE YOU". They keep impressing on us that Johnny has four former world champions on their team. Now that Teddy has picked up Booker T, he has two. Let's face it, the guy has picked his team on the basis of who can make funnier backstage segments. Would anyone in their right mind ever really pick Khali? The man is the World's Largest Jobber, and he gets in on the merit of being able to wear a head band and say, "Woo woo woo, you know it." And he's one of the former champions. Shame.

I was gonna say more about the GMs, but I'm gonna save it for my WrestleMania Preview post in a couple of days.

Moving on, the Divas gave us a preview match as well. Eve, from what we get to see, seems to have actually improved a bit in the ring. Maybe it's just her heel turn giving us a more aggressive, bitchy Eve. But it made Kelly look just that much worse. Eve did what would have been a beautiful moonsault off the top rope (not that horrendous "pop-pop" standing one she did as a face, thank goodness), and used almost an entire five-count choking Kelly. Kelly gave us the same old contributions we don't want to see anymore, and... was she actually yelling, "Boom! Boom!" while hitting Eve in the corner? The highlight of this match was Beth Phoenix yelling at Kelly in the middle of the match, "Apologize to her!" for starting a Hoeski chant before the girls locked up.

Show v. Primo was pointless, other than to remind us that there are still tag team belts (but nobody knows why), and to give Rosa Mendes a chance to continue to dance badly. Oh, yeah, and Big Show has a match at WrestleMania against Cody Rhodes. If he wants to warm up for that match, he could do batter than beating up on poor defenseless Primo, surely.

WWE played the cruelest trick on us yet this week, by announcing a match between CM Punk and Christian. I'm sure we all went, "Oooh!" when we heard that. It's not the same tired stuff, they both have matches to get ready for, and they're both top competitors who can put on an excellent match. We should have known it was too good to be true. The match never really happened, though. Chris Jericho came over the Titantron to taunt Punk once again, and when that was over, Punk when apeshit and totally destroyed Christian. Security had to tear him away from the Anaconda Vice he had locked in, and we had to be told, "Hey, Christian just re-injured his neck, so no more WrestleMania for him."

But now we've got Drew Mac on Team Johnny, so that's something, right?