Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Okay, Okay, I've been lazy. In my defense, I had a really shitty weekend. But when the week was said and done on Sunday, I came home, was consoled and pampered by the Best Boyfriend Ever, and then... AND THEN TLC happened. Holy Smokes, what an awesome show!! Has Creative been napping this whole year, and they just woke up? You already know some of the results from Mehe's post, but now it's time to break it down Ali-style! And excuse the lack of my regular formatting, but Blogger seems to be malfunctioning in the /bold/ and /italic/ areas.

1. Zack Ryder v. Dolph Ziggler (US Championship): 4 out of 5. Amazing performance from both competitors. This was an excellent start to a night filled with great and intriguing match-ups. I know I didn't get around to putting up a prediction post, but this was really the only way this could have gone. I'm looking forward to seeing what Zack can do with what is currently the secondary midcard title (the midcard hell championship, perhaps?). I'm equally looking forward to watching Dolph's rise to the top, as that is most certainly where he is heading.

2. Air Boom v. Epico & Primo (Tag Team Championship): 3 out of 5. Know what I remember the most about this match? A budding hatred for Rosa Mendes. Good lord, it's a Latin woman with no rhythm. I didn't know they actually existed. Rosa's attempt at dancing is almost as bad as that little thing that Rosita and Sarita do during Mexican America's entrance over on TNA. She also apparently only knows how to say "Miralo!" and "Me gusta!" And for that second one, I must say, Goddamn you, Reddit. I am ruined.

3. Randy Orton v. Wade Barrett (Tables match): 4 out of 5. I wasn't sure what to expect out of this one, really. This was my first mis-call of the night, as I fully expected the Barrett Barrage to give Randy Orton a little vacation. In the end, though, the Viper leaped up from the table he'd been placed on at the last second to deliver--you guessed it--an RKO OUT OF NOWHERE (tm) to Wade Barrett mid-air.

4. Beth Phoenix v. Kelly Kelly (Divas Championship): 2 out of 5. We only got one of Kelly's moves of doom. I think. I was a little... intoxicated by this point, so I may not have been counting correctly. But it's Kelly. So just what you'd expect, really. The match gets a 2 because Beth continues to be awesome.

5. Triple H v. Kevin Nash (Sledgehammer Ladder Match for the affection of John Laurinaitis): 2 out of 5. Okay, I made that last part up. After that one Raw where Laurinaitis acted like he was married to Trips while boffing Nash on the side, I totally want to see a subtlely subtexted story along those lines. So this is what I'm imagining this match was about. It's certainly more plausible than the fact that they were actually fighting about a text message, and possibly about who's got larger testicles. (hint: she wasn't in the match)

6. Sheamus v. Jack Swagger: 3 out of 5. Meh. Okay, these guys both need someone to fight with. Christian's injured, Jinder Majal is nowhere near ready for a pay-perview, and Swagger's partner's been leaving him as an afterthought lately. It was a good way to keep Swagger from falling through the cracks and into obscurity, and I thought Vickie's sentiment of "You're MY champion" was a good punctuation and possibly a hint that Swagger may be thinking about challenging for one of those belts sometime after the new year.

7. Big Show v. Mark Henry (Chairs Match for the World Heavyweight Championship): 3 out of 5. Once again, what you'd expect from a Big Man Match. The crowd entertained itself again with nostalgic chants. Completely unexpected to me, however, Big Show came out on top. Mark Henry didn't take the loss lying down, however, and knocked Show out afterwards. This was the out for Daniel Bryan, of course, who cashed in his Money in the Bank and became the new champion. As Big Show came to and realized what had happened, he had a look on his face that said, "I can't even be mad though."

8. Cody Rhodes v. Booker T (Intercontinental Championship): 4 out of 5. After being attacked by Rhodes twice backstage, Booker finally made it to the ring at the end of the night to take on the American Nightmare (seriously, when are they going to start using this moniker??). Book made a great effort and showed that the rust hadn't gotten him yet. When you think about it, it's not surprising considering he's also a trainer. The Champion was just a little quicker and more cunning. But I'm actually looking forward to seeing if they're doing something with Booker's character. He had some seriously crazy eyes going on. Know what would make me giddy? All the knocks to the head makes Booker think he's Golddust.

9. CM Punk v. The Miz v. Alberto Del Rio (TLC Match for the WWE Championship): 5 out of 5. Notice a trend for the ratings to get higher recently? Let's hope the trend continues, because this match was the highest quality product I have seen from the company all year. These three guys put on a great match, Ricardo Rodriguez took the Bump of the Year (he may have actually been knocked out afterwards), and CM Punk escaped from handcuffs not once, but twice. The second time was when he showed us he deserves that title he's wearing. When he was handcuffed to the ladder, it was easy enough to break the ladder to get free. But when Miz handcuffed him to the turnbuckle, Punk actually *took off the padding and dismantled part of the ring*. He knows his arena inside and out. THAT is why he is your champion.

1 comment:

  1. "All the knocks to the head makes Booker think he's Golddust."

    Why not go whole hog? Bring Goldust back into the picture and have him feud with Rhodes to avenge Booker? He used to tag with Booker, and he's been calling Cody out for a match at WrestleMania on Twitter as it is, why not take it and run?

    Have Goldust come back at the Royal Rumble and have him eliminate Cody, setting up the feud. Build it up with promos on SmackDown, with a match at Elimination Chamber. Cody wins by DQ to get out with the title. Teddy Long then grants Goldust's wishes by making a Street Fight at WrestleMania, Cody's IC Title vs Goldust's Career.