1. Is That Sunlight, or a Train? I am referring, in this case, to the light I see in the Diva's division this week. Monday night, there was a battle royal to determine the #1 contender for the Diva's championship. They seem to do this every other month, and not that I'm complaining, because the girls really don't get the attention they deserve, so it really is the only thing they can do that makes any kind of sense and doesn't seem to come out of left field. For whatever reason, Beth Phoenix wasn't in this one, and her partner in crime Natalya accidentally eliminated herself. I found myself gleefully realizing that Kaitlyn was about to come out on top of the match, and indeed she did! Layla was sitting ringside to watch the action, and the best part about that was that when Kaitlyn won, you could actually see her weighing the pros and cons of turning heel right then and there. She apparently decided against it on that night, but if this goes on long enough, there's still time. The Diva's division is top-heavy with faces right now. We need more catty bitches to mix it up a bit.
2. Jericho's Way Out. We all pretty much knew that Fozzy was going on tour after SummerSlam, so on Monday night a SummerSlam rematch was made by AJ, but with a catch. If Jericho were to win, he'd get Ziggler's Money in the Bank briefcase. But what ended up happening was Ziggler won, and Jericho's contract was terminated. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this one. I know the community is up in arms about giving a win to each guy cheapens them both. But I think it's really Ziggler's chance to prove his strength and start a massive winning streak before finally cashing in the briefcase down the line. I guess I'm just still waiting to see what the plan is for Ziggler. Getting back on Jericho for a moment, a quick look at the Fozzy tour schedule shows that they're busy right up until January. There are still a couple of shows in February, so I think maybe we could look forward to a return appearance at Royal Rumble, with a full return in early March, just in time for the lead-in to WrestleMania.
3. The Promo I've Been Waiting For... I Guess. So CM Punk FINALLY came out Monday night and talked about being overshadowed by John Cena and The Rock. He mentioned not having the last match of the night for the last nine months and he talked a lot about respect. Earlier in the night, he'd named John Cena as the next man to face him for the title... on one condition. It turned out that condition was to say out loud that Punk is the best in the world. John Cena refused, and gave a reasonable, logical explanation for why (dammit, Cena, stop making sense), and then left. Punk was pretty taken back by the turn of events, so he turned his attention back towards Lawler, demanding an apology (which Lawler gave) and then asking that HE say that Punk is the best in the world. Lawler also declined, but without explanation, so Punk... kicked him in the back. This hasn't been sitting well with me all week, and I still haven't quite put my finger on it. I'm not sure if it's the sudden need for validation, which has never been something in Punk's character, or if it's the seemingly meaningless attack on Jerry Lawler, but the promo he cut lost all steam by the time the show went off the air. I'm hoping that next week he can say something that will set this back on the right track, but right now I'm just left with a bad taste in my mouth, which is very unusual for me where Punk is concerned.
TNA Impact!
1. Thank God That's Over. Yes, folks, finally, there is no more Claire Lynch "DO THE RIGHT THING AJ" story. AJ showed up to get the results of the paternity test, Daniels and Kaz showed up to accuse AJ of being an absentee father, and then a woman representing Claire Lynch showed up to read a statement. The gist of the statement was that Daniels and Kaz got her involved in this plot to frame AJ and blackmail him for something that he didn't do, and that ultimately, she was never pregnant to begin with. Which I believe was scenario #1 from last week's review. Anyway, the only thing coming out of this is that Daniels and Kaz said ONE thing that was right beforehand: more questions were raised. Well, one big question anyway. Probably now there's a perpetuating "Why we did it" storyline, but anything is better than fake addicts with fake pregnancies shouting at the camera during fake baby showers.
2. Hulk Hogan is Back, and He's Some Kind of Animal. By far, the most entertaining part of the show was when Sting distracted three members of Aces & Eights backstage long enough for Hogan to ambush them. Papa Hogan is pissed after the gang tried to lay their hands on his baby girl, and after he screamed at them, he started snarling/purring for like a minute straight, much to the pleasure of Sting. The whole thing was ridiculous and slightly homoerotic, and the best part was that when they came back from the next commercial, they showed the whole thing over again, because they knew the fans watching at home just HAD to see it one more time to make sure we didn't just imagine it.
3. Nothing is Revealed. Pretty much the show ended with the TNA locker room brawling with the Aces & Eights, who's numbers were a bit larger than previously predicted. Jeff Hardy was among the group, so it's probably not him now. (Sad face) However, the guys scattered and the show ended when Bully Ray ran out with his chain in one hand and a chair in the other, so now of course all the theories are pointing to him. The ending point here, though, is that no, we still don't know who's behind it. I'd kind of like for the reveal to be very soon, though, so that the real feud can begin, with the locker room shifting views and taking sides, and then eventually, there's an entire pay-per-view of matches that's nothing but Aces & Eights vs. Impact. It's like NWO meets the Invasion, which is very very tricky, but I'm hoping they can really pull this off right.
Friday Night Smackdown!
1. I Eat a Toe. I'm not going to put my whole foot in my mouth on the Del Rio/Sheamus deal, but I will shove a big toe in there because I didn't believe for a second that Booker would do anything fair or reasonable. Randy Orton worked himself into the mix via a win over Del Rio on Monday night. Sheamus wanted to face him, but Booker T came out to address the situation. Only problem was, Del Rio showed up and wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise, crying "Conspiracy" the whole time. When Booker finally did get to make a decision, Del Rio had talked himself into a corner, and now instead of a SummerSlam rematch against Sheamus for the title, he had a Raw rematch against Orton for the title opportunity. At the end of the night, Del Rio ended up going over Orton squeaky clean, which was the best possible finish to the show, and it helped to shine up this turd just a little.
2. Josh Matthews is DEAD! Another fun thing about Friday was that following his murder at the hands of Kane at SummerSlam, Josh Matthews wasn't able to join Michael Cole at the announce table. Cole wasn't alone, though, as every match he had special guest commentators to work off of. Some were better than others, of course, and there was a fair offering of both faces and heels to interact with. There were a few highlights here.
- Teddy Long: Cole demanded to know that Kane was not in the arena and that the commentators were going to be kept safe. At first Teddy said that he was only the senior adviser, and that Booker was the guy to talk to about that, and then he admitted that Kane was not there, and went on to say that he knew Booker would be doing everything he could to ensure the safety of the commentary team. It's shit like this, Teddy, that keeps you on the pre-taped show.
- Vickie Guerrero: Vickie trying to manage while on commentary was magic. Since she's on the headset, she's not doing her usual screaming in order to save everyone's ears, but the effect was that she definitely sounded like she was in coitus. Seriously, watch that match again, and tell me it doesn't sound like Dolph Ziggler is fucking her from the ring. As you know, he really is THAT DAMN GOOD.
- Cody Rhodes: That's all. Just, Cody Rhodes.
3. Tag Team Focus. Following the Tag Team match (Boom Truth v. Team Colon), an all-out brawl broke out as every tag team currently in WWE declared themselves to be next in line for the titles. The Prime Time Players started the "We're the next Tag Champs" chain, and were quickly followed by The Usos, Team Colon, and even Tyson Kidd & Justin Gabriel, who have formed a team in their time off the screen. The best part here was the return from commercial, when Booker T, having finally gotten the situation under control, struggled to figure out what to do. Even Teddy had no suggestions (which is hard to believe, because TAG TEAM PLAYA). Never fear, SUPER SECRETARY is here! During the commercial break, Eve did all her homework plus extra credit, and gave Booker a lot to consider when she handed him a folder containing the win-loss record of every tag team from the last six months, annotated. Booker left, pleasantly surprised and eager to read the report, and Eve gave Teddy an "Oh, I didn't even see you there!" before exiting the opposite direction, and if there is sadder case in WWE than Virgil, Teddy Long might be vying for that position. I am giving all the bonus points to Eve for her "Kill 'Em With Kindness" slow-burn face turn (which I didn't even know was a thing).
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