Raw 1-23-12

Last Raw before the Royal Rumble! Matches:

1. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger v. John Cena & CM Punk - 3 out of 5
2. Zack Ryder v. Kane - 2 out of 5
3. Sheamus v. Jinder Majal - 3 out of 5
4. Brodus Clay v. Heath Slater - 2 out of 5
5. R-Truth v. The Miz, loser is #1 entrant in Royal Rumble - 3 out of 5
6. CM Punk v. John Laurinaitis - N/A


GUYS! You are never going to believe this... Chris Jericho finally spoke. During his Highlight Reel segment, he spent most of the time trying to get the audience to be perfectly quiet, and then after teasing them with a t-shirt gun, pointed to the Jeritron, which showed a Chris Jericho video package featuring some of the best moments of his WWE career, starting with his "Save Us Y2J" return, and ending with the "Fuck You, I'm Sparkling" jacket. Then, finally, he said, "This Sunday at the Royal Rumble, it will be the end of the world as you know it." And he will feel fine.

John Cena got his shot at Kane on Sunday, fine. R-Truth beat Miz, making Miz the first entrant into the Royal Rumble. And at the last second, CM Punk was potentially saved from a screwjob by a fax from the Board of Directors. It seems that they are "concerned" about Mr. Laurinaitis' potential abuse of power, and next week (the night after the Rumble), his position will officially be "under review". Conducting that review? None other than Johnny's abusive husband, Triple H. Precocious little CM Punk says, "Ha! Fuck you, Johnny, you're not my real dad."

What? Oh, you didn't think I wasn't going to push that subtext storyline, did you?

Let's see, in other non-Rumble-related news... Kane killed Zack Ryder. Well, he put him through the stage, anyway, and we're being told that Ryder has a broken back. Wade Barrett was on commentary for the Sheamus/Jinder match, being classy as hell. CM Punk challenged Johnny Ace to a match, and Mr. Ace accepted until that fax came in. Then he tried to sic his thirsty lawyer, David Otunga on him, but Punk took him out and then hit Johnny with a GTS. Afterwards, Ziggler showed up and showed off, and this is going to be an interesting match on Sunday, with possibly incredible implications for the Royal Rumble itself later on.