Week in Review: 8/20 - 8/24

Monday Night Raw

1. Is That Sunlight, or a Train? I am referring, in this case, to the light I see in the Diva's division this week.   Monday night, there was a battle royal to determine the #1 contender for the Diva's championship. They seem to do this every other month, and not that I'm complaining, because the girls really don't get the attention they deserve, so it really is the only thing they can do that makes any kind of sense and doesn't seem to come out of left field. For whatever reason, Beth Phoenix wasn't in this one, and her partner in crime Natalya accidentally eliminated herself.  I found myself gleefully realizing that Kaitlyn was about to come out on top of the match, and indeed she did!  Layla was sitting ringside to watch the action, and the best part about that was that when Kaitlyn won, you could actually see her weighing the pros and cons of turning heel right then and there.  She apparently decided against it on that night, but if this goes on long enough, there's still time. The Diva's division is top-heavy with faces right now. We need more catty bitches to mix it up a bit.

2. Jericho's Way Out. We all pretty much knew that Fozzy was going on tour after SummerSlam, so on Monday night a SummerSlam rematch was made by AJ, but with a catch. If Jericho were to win, he'd get Ziggler's Money in the Bank briefcase. But what ended up happening was Ziggler won, and Jericho's contract was terminated.  I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this one. I know the community is up in arms about giving a win to each guy cheapens them both. But I think it's really Ziggler's chance to prove his strength and start a massive winning streak before finally cashing in the briefcase down the line. I guess I'm just still waiting to see what the plan is for Ziggler. Getting back on Jericho for a moment, a quick look at the Fozzy tour schedule shows that they're busy right up until January. There are still a couple of shows in February, so I think maybe we could look forward to a return appearance at Royal Rumble, with a full return in early March, just in time for the lead-in to WrestleMania.

3. The Promo I've Been Waiting For... I Guess.  So CM Punk FINALLY came out Monday night and talked about being overshadowed by John Cena and The Rock. He mentioned not having the last match of the night for the last nine months and he talked a lot about respect. Earlier in the night, he'd named John Cena as the next man to face him for the title... on one condition. It turned out that condition was to say out loud that Punk is the best in the world.  John Cena refused, and gave a reasonable, logical explanation for why (dammit, Cena, stop making sense), and then left.  Punk was pretty taken back by the turn of events, so he turned his attention back towards Lawler, demanding an apology (which Lawler gave) and then asking that HE say that Punk is the best in the world. Lawler also declined, but without explanation, so Punk... kicked him in the back. This hasn't been sitting well with me all week, and I still haven't quite put my finger on it. I'm not sure if it's the sudden need for validation, which has never been something in Punk's character, or if it's the seemingly meaningless attack on Jerry Lawler, but the promo he cut lost all steam by the time the show went off the air. I'm hoping that next week he can say something that will set this back on the right track, but right now I'm just left with a bad taste in my mouth, which is very unusual for me where Punk is concerned.


TNA Impact!

1. Thank God That's Over. Yes, folks, finally, there is no more Claire Lynch "DO THE RIGHT THING AJ" story. AJ showed up to get the results of the paternity test, Daniels and Kaz showed up to accuse AJ of being an absentee father, and then a woman representing Claire Lynch showed up to read a statement.  The gist of the statement was that Daniels and Kaz got her involved in this plot to frame AJ and blackmail him for something that he didn't do, and that ultimately, she was never pregnant to begin with. Which I believe was scenario #1 from last week's review. Anyway, the only thing coming out of this is that Daniels and Kaz said ONE thing that was right beforehand: more questions were raised.  Well, one big question anyway. Probably now there's a perpetuating "Why we did it" storyline, but anything is better than fake addicts with fake pregnancies shouting at the camera during fake baby showers.

2. Hulk Hogan is Back, and He's Some Kind of Animal. By far, the most entertaining part of the show was when Sting distracted three members of Aces & Eights backstage long enough for Hogan to ambush them. Papa Hogan is pissed after the gang tried to lay their hands on his baby girl, and after he screamed at them, he started snarling/purring for like a minute straight, much to the pleasure of Sting. The whole thing was ridiculous and slightly homoerotic, and the best part was that when they came back from the next commercial, they showed the whole thing over again, because they knew the fans watching at home just HAD to see it one more time to make sure we didn't just imagine it.

3. Nothing is Revealed. Pretty much the show ended with the TNA locker room brawling with the Aces & Eights, who's numbers were a bit larger than previously predicted. Jeff Hardy was among the group, so it's probably not him now. (Sad face) However, the guys scattered and the show ended when Bully Ray ran out with his chain in one hand and a chair in the other, so now of course all the theories are pointing to him. The ending point here, though, is that no, we still don't know who's behind it. I'd kind of like for the reveal to be very soon, though, so that the real feud can begin, with the locker room shifting views and taking sides, and then eventually, there's an entire pay-per-view of matches that's nothing but Aces & Eights vs. Impact.  It's like NWO meets the Invasion, which is very very tricky, but I'm hoping they can really pull this off right.


Friday Night Smackdown!

1. I Eat a Toe. I'm not going to put my whole foot in my mouth on the Del Rio/Sheamus deal, but I will shove a big toe in there because I didn't believe for a second that Booker would do anything fair or reasonable. Randy Orton worked himself into the mix via a win over Del Rio on Monday night.  Sheamus wanted to face him, but Booker T came out to address the situation. Only problem was, Del Rio showed up and wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise, crying "Conspiracy" the whole time. When Booker finally did get to make a decision, Del Rio had talked himself into a corner, and now instead of a SummerSlam rematch against Sheamus for the title, he had a Raw rematch against Orton for the title opportunity. At the end of the night, Del Rio ended up going over Orton squeaky clean, which was the best possible finish to the show, and it helped to shine up this turd just a little.

2. Josh Matthews is DEAD! Another fun thing about Friday was that following his murder at the hands of Kane at SummerSlam, Josh Matthews wasn't able to join Michael Cole at the announce table. Cole wasn't alone, though, as every match he had special guest commentators to work off of. Some were better than others, of course, and there was a fair offering of both faces and heels to interact with. There were a few highlights here.

• Teddy Long: Cole demanded to know that Kane was not in the arena and that the commentators were going to be kept safe. At first Teddy said that he was only the senior adviser, and that Booker was the guy to talk to about that, and then he admitted that Kane was not there, and went on to say that he knew Booker would be doing everything he could to ensure the safety of the commentary team. It's shit like this, Teddy, that keeps you on the pre-taped show.
• Vickie Guerrero: Vickie trying to manage while on commentary was magic. Since she's on the headset, she's not doing her usual screaming in order to save everyone's ears, but the effect was that she definitely sounded like she was in coitus. Seriously, watch that match again, and tell me it doesn't sound like Dolph Ziggler is fucking her from the ring. As you know, he really is THAT DAMN GOOD.
• Cody Rhodes: That's all.  Just, Cody Rhodes.

3. Tag Team Focus. Following the Tag Team match (Boom Truth v. Team Colon), an all-out brawl broke out as every tag team currently in WWE declared themselves to be next in line for the titles. The Prime Time Players started the "We're the next Tag Champs" chain, and were quickly followed by The Usos, Team Colon, and even Tyson Kidd & Justin Gabriel, who have formed a team in their time off the screen. The best part here was the return from commercial, when Booker T, having finally gotten the situation under control, struggled to figure out what to do.  Even Teddy had no suggestions (which is hard to believe, because TAG TEAM PLAYA). Never fear, SUPER SECRETARY is here! During the commercial break, Eve did all her homework plus extra credit, and gave Booker a lot to consider when she handed him a folder containing the win-loss record of every tag team from the last six months, annotated.  Booker left, pleasantly surprised and eager to read the report, and Eve gave Teddy an "Oh, I didn't even see you there!" before exiting the opposite direction, and if there is sadder case in WWE than Virgil, Teddy Long might be vying for that position.  I am giving all the bonus points to Eve for her "Kill 'Em With Kindness" slow-burn face turn (which I didn't even know was a thing).

SummerSlam

0. Antonion Cesaro v. Santino Marella (US Championship)- We didn't watch the pre-show here, but were very happy to hear that Cesaro did indeed win the US Championship from Santino. Normally I'm not an advocate for guys getting a title straight out of the gate like this, but in this case I like the decision. Santino is entertaining, but he's a comedy act, and it doesn't help bring merit to a title if you can't take the guy seriously who's wearing it. The US championship needs the same kind of overhaul the IC championship did (and some would argue does again). He may still be a relatively fresh new face, but the idea of "I can speak five languages and that makes me smarter than you" has gained him a ridiculous amount of heat in a very short time, so I think there's a great opportunity here for him.

1. Chris Jericho v. Dolph Ziggler - The match was pretty solid all the way through, and in the end, Jericho proved he could still win the "big one".  This was not an outcome I predicted, since I'm going with the whole "history repeating itself but not" thing on this feud. The upstart lost to the veteran ten years ago, so I thought maybe the veteran would lose to the upstart this time around. Instead, Jericho picked himself up and decided he wasn't going to lose both rivalries, and he made Dolph Ziggler tap in the Walls of Jericho. Meanwhile, JR took a cheap shot at the IWC via Twitter, which didn't sit well with me. Maybe we're not WWE's biggest audience, but we do have a voice. We are still fans. Ultimately, isn't it the fan reactions that sell your tickets? Yeah, the IWC cried out in anger, because we love Ziggler, and we want to see him do amazingly great things, and we all thought this was his ticket out of the midcard and into the ranks of Randy Orton and Sheamus. And maybe it still is. JR's point, ultimately, was that we don't know what they've got planned, but I think he could have found a better way to say it. Or he could have kept his incessantly re-tweeting mouth shut. That would have worked too.

2. Daniel Bryan v. Kane - I honestly do not remember anything about this match now, but I don't think this was about the match. It was about the aftermath of the match. Daniel Bryan managed to roll up Kane unexpectedly, and then he got the hell out of Dodge while Kane rampaged through the backstage area for the rest of the show. How do we know that? Twitter, of course! Kane never came off the trending topic list all night, thanks to various superstars tweeting after having just barely avoided his wrath. Our favorite two reactionary tweets were from the Usos ("Kane crazy!!! Damn right we runnin!!!! We fast...") and Heath Slater ("Ok when Kane gets mad he's pretty scary").  I like the idea that Heath Slater has no idea that the seven-foot wrecking machine dressed as Satan is supposed to be frightening. Just another day in West Virginia, I guess.

3. The Miz v. Rey Mysterio (Intercontinental Championship) - I was VERY happy to see Miz retain here. I think he's got a long reign ahead of him, and I think that's good for the title.I was surprised to realize that this was the match on the card I was most looking forward to. I put down my own computer, leaned over the arm of the couch, and watched intently, because dammit, I'm not gonna miss a second of my Miz denying any challenger of the title. I liked that right off the bat, Rey had to realize quickly that this guy he was in the ring with isn't the same Miz as before. The all bark and not so much bite Miz is gone, and this guy will hurt you (and apparently did). Mysterio did me the favor of dressing as Batman, so when it was over, the only appropriate response was, "Ha! Looks like Rey forgot to bring his Bat-Miz repellant!"

4. Sheamus v. Alberto Del Rio - I did not care enough going into this match to even try to make a prediction, but what I got was so much worse than anything I could have predicted anyway. Ricardo missed a shoe toss intended for Alberto, and Sheamus won by hitting Del Rio over the head with it, and then got lucky when the ref was way out of position and didn't see Del Rio's VERY OBVIOUS LEG HANGING OVER THE ROPE. Sheamus knew it was there, and all that smug little bastard could do was shrug and make an "Aw Shucks" face. If Booker T is half the GM that AJ is, he'll order a rematch (since the pay-per-view ended unfairly), and he'll ban Ricardo from ringside. But we won't get that, because Booker T is a face GM and Sheamus is a face Champion. What we will get is Sheamus walking into Booker T's office, and Booker being all like, "Yo, Dawg, congratulations, man. That was great. Alberto Del Rio sure got what he deserved, didn't he?" And Eve will be in the corner looking disgusted, wondering what kind of administration she's gotten herself into. I dunno, with Eve's Voice of Reason in the mix, maybe I can hold out hope for something interesting to happen, but I'm not holding my breath.

5. R-Truth & Kofi Kingston v. Prime Time Players - PTP are still plenty entertaining without AW, and I'm hoping they build these guys up some more. Keeping the belts on the champions was the right move here, however, and it makes Little Jimmy happier, so why not?

6. CM Punk v. Big Show v. John Cena (WWE Championship) - Um, yeah. I don't know why everyone in the house was surprised that this was the penultimate match. Triple H is fighting Brock Lesnar, CM Punk is running a whole angle on how he's been overshadowed his whole reign, and you really think the title's going on last? Welcome to the real world, folks. The match basically just served to add more fuel to the fire, because 1) it didn't go on last, again, and 2) CONTROVERSY. Maybe I would like the restart better if I hadn't just seen an World Title Rematch on my screen last week (and even several days removed from SummerSlam, I think TNA did it better), but I have come to appreciate it finally. Also, AJ is doing a way better job that Booker T right now. Did Booker T come out and restart the match when controversy erupted for Sheamus and Del Rio? No. But when two guys have submission holds on Big Show, and he taps out, AJ knows EXACTLY what to do. And Punk knew exactly what to do as well. And that is why he is your champion.

7. BROCK LESNAR v. Triple-H - I could not have cared about this match less. I still couldn't care about this match less. I do not have any interest in these two guys fighting it out. It's not the Attitude Era anymore, and I don't need replays of it to remind me that I am slowly aging, and one day, I too will be older and possibly embittered, yelling out my front yard for those damned kids to get off my lawn. But for right now, I'm still fairly young, and I'm just starting to like the new product again, and giving us a main event like this just cheapens all the other young talent who are actually doing the majority of the work. I mean, Jesus Christ, CM Punk is in a triple threat match that involves John Cena, and he STILL can't main event one of the Big Five (because I consider MitB just as big now). Hunter looked like he was taking his ball and going home after he lost, but we'll have to hold out to see how long that lasts.

Week in Review: 8/12 - 8/17

Did I not do a week in review last week?  I could have sworn I wrote that article!!  Well, now I'm stumped. And frustrated.  WTF.


TNA presents Hardcore Justice

1. 20 point steals.  So I came in about halfway through (work, blah.), so I missed the first of the Bound for Glory Matches.  However, I did get to see the other two, which were pretty awesome for the most part.  Robbie E fucked up a faux-table spot, and Bully Ray ended up cracking his elbow on the end of it, but at the end of that match, and despite the presence of Aces & 8s, Bully Ray exploded out of nowhere to put Jeff Hardy through a table and win, which was something I was extremely happy to see.  Bully Ray is one of those guys, like I mentioned before, that has been chasing the title for a very long time and has yet to reach his goal.  I'd be very happy to see him win the series and challenge for the title at Bound For Glory.  Meanwhile, in the ladder match, Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle played a game of one-upsmanship as they took turns destroying Christopher Daniels after AJ had been taken out.  At the end, Joe head-butted Kurt off the top of the ladder and seemed poised to win.  And then that little monkey AJ jumped from the floor, to the apron, to the top rope, to the top of the ladder, to snatch the clipboard that symbolized the 20 points they were competing for out from under Joe's nose.  Joe's reaction was priceless, but I think Mehe was more entertained my fifteen-minute rage-fest afterwards.  I'm also really pulling for Joe.  Cause as I mentioned, I like it when Joe gets pissed off and I want to see him do all kinds of awesome things.

2. Pretty, Pretty Champion.  It needs to be said: I like Zema Ion.  Kenny King is certainly a great competitor, but he just showed up in the company and I don't think it does anyone any good to flip the title over so quickly.  Besides, Ion is a FABULOUS heel.  You hate him?  Good!  He's doing a great job of being a smug, unapologetic jerk.  People are still upset over Jesse Sorensen's injury, but here's the thing.  He's taken that stigma--even from the second it happened--and he's run with it. He never flinched for a second.  He never broke character. When Jesse was well enough to show up and address the audience, he came out and actually thanked the guy for making him famous. Yeah, the incident catapulted Ion to the forefront of the X-Division, but I think he would have made it there eventually. I think it's something in the way he takes every step like there's a hole in front of him, or in the way he grins and sprays his hairspray constantly and yet haphazardly.  Or maybe it's the way he apologizes to the ref for doing something questionable and promises him that he won't use the hairspray on his opponent (which, by the way, he didn't).

3. High Championship Drama. Austin Aries and Bobby Roode had their big no rematches, winner-takes-all match at Hardcore Justice, and it was a thing of beauty. How awesome was it, you ask?  Two words: Super Brainbuster.  Baby Hebner was the original ref, and he got taken out mid-match, so when there was a pin attempt, there was no ref to call it. Then a ref named Stiffler (no, I'm not making that up) came out to take over, and he got taken out too. Repeat. Then, in an amazing turn of events, both refs came too just in time to count a pin, except each ref counted a different man. Senior Ref Earl Hebner came to the rescue and ruled that the match be restarted, and Aries prevailed--just barely.  I think Roode will have a lot to say about it in coming weeks, for sure.  Seems like opinions are split on the whole match restart scenario, but I was loving every second of it.  It was definitely not something you see every day.  The match needed a finish because of the stipulations. They teased a dust, and then turned it around and gave it a real finish while also giving Roode reason to still chase after Aries (since we've already seen the next PPV poster).


Monday Night Raw

1. Three-way #RawActive Con.  I know people are upset about the supposed uselessness of the RawActive twitter polls.  People are being conned into believing that they are making an impact on the show by being given choices that are either all the same, obviously one-sided, or turn out to be totally moot. The latter was the case on Monday when fans were asked to choose between Miz, Jericho, and Dolph Ziggler to be the guest on Piper's Pit.  Jericho won, of course, but Miz and Ziggler both were quick to interrupt because, obviously, people should be wanting to hear from all of them. Piper had some kind of unintelligible verbal outburst towards Miz trying to take over the show, and then a fight broke out.  So AJ did the only logical thing and made a triple-threat match.  Three amazing athletes in the ring at one time, and these guys are really three of my favorites.  So it was no surprise that this was actually a really good match. It really didn't matter who won, because everyone wins when the wrestling is that good.

2. Kaitlyn is My New Favorite Diva. Kaitlyn teamed up with Layla to take on Eve & Beth Phoenix, and while I was already happy to see Kaitlyn in the ring, she certainly put in the most noticeable performance.  Layla dominated the ring-time for her team, but when Kaitlyn was finally tagged in, what was the first thing she did?  A motherfucking backbreaker.  I'm really looking forward to her contributions to the division.

3. Christian is the new Kane.  Christian v. Damien Sandow. Oh, Gods, yes, please. Anytime Sandow is on my screen I am a happy, happy girl. Damien Sandow started strong and has done nothing but gain steam, and I love every minute of it. And Christian may not have the greatest on-screen character, but he's an amazing technician and one of the best guys to feud with. My favorite rivalry from last year was Christian v. Randy Orton. Now, I don't normally mark out hard for Orton (except fot that scoop slam--WHOOSH!), but those two put on an increasingly entertaining program and it was a great sadness to me when it was all over. Point is, Christian is a great guy to get new guys over. As someone who remembers the debut of The Brood, it's still a bit odd to me to think of Christian as a veteran, but he really is just that good at making his opponents look even better. Hard-core Christian fans may be upset by this new use of him, but I think it's a very good use for him, and I love him for it.


TNA Impact!

1. A Hogan Makes a Good Decision.  Following her controversial win at Hardcore Justice, Madison Rayne attempted to celebrate being Knockouts Champion with her beau, Earl Hebner, but Brooke Hogan interrupted her and made a logical, authoritative decision: she fired Hebner as the ref for the Knockouts.  She also ordered a rematch for the title, and even attempted to accept Madison's challenge for a fight. Madison was quick to slide out of the ring as Hogan jumped in, and Brooke declared, "I'm a Hogan! We don't go anywhere!" Smart Marks everywhere snickered. Me? I have to say I'm not hating Brooke Hogan the character yet. Time will tell.

2. AJ Styles does the right thing. Styles is SICK OF THIS SHIT ALREADY. And I don't blame him.  As a fan of TNA, I've been tired of this since Daniels brought Styles those pictures of him with Dixie. He just so happened to have a BFG series match with Daniels that night, so he put up some stipulations to settle this once and for all. If Daniels wins, AJ accepts he is the father. If AJ wins, he's demanding a paternity test. Despite Kaz's best attempts to cheat, AJ ultimately came out on top, so I'm hoping that in the next episode of Impact, we get one of three resolutions. 1) Claire tries to thwart AJ's attempts at a paternity test until she is forced to admit she isn't pregnant, 2) AJ comes out to the ring with the envelope, which he hasn't even opened yet, and reads the results on live TV that he is not the father, or 3) Claire, in tears, has to admit that the father is really some homeless guy she fucked in a dark alley one night to satisfy her dealer's sick obsessions so she could get a fix, and she was just trying to pin it on AJ because, I suppose, he has money. Or something. Anyway, a final resolution will make Ali a happy, happy kitty.

3. Oh, Thank God.  So, Bully Ray and Jeff Hardy had a BFG series match as the main event, and James Storm showed up to look ominous midway through, because fuck Bully Ray I suppose. Anyway, after Hardy pulled out the win, Storm came in to the ring to fight Bully Ray and nailed Hardy instead. Afterwards, Aces & 8s came in and finally laid Storm out. So, my Hardy theory still lives. And I'm happy about that. Yes, I'm aware that it probably won't happen. But if it does, expect inconceivable levels of obnoxious behavior over here.


Friday Night Smackdown

1. Wait... No Ryback?  After spending weeks being humiliated by Ryback, and on the heels of last week's non-committal response from Smackdown GM Booker T of "make your own opportunities", Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins certainly made an impression on Friday. They showed up in suits, did a Chippendale routine, and then defeated two local jobbers. And afterwards, NOTHING HAPPENED. I wasn't even thinking about the idea that these are a couple of the guys who have been vocal about their underuse, and besides that, I like to look on the bright side of things.  Something interesting happened. I was entertained. They beat their opponents. No one tried to challenge them afterwards. I think this is a win for them, and I hope it develops into something cool.

2. Executive Assistant 2: The Executing.  After being totally and unjustifiably rejected by Booker for the second time, and voicing her intent to file a complaint with the Board of Directors, Eve got the chance to get a job in the GM's office the only way one can in WWE: a match! She took on Kaitlyn, and while I love the young rookie, I was extremely happy to see Eve win this one. Eve's schtick as a naughty secretary is her best work, and Kaitlyn definitely belongs in the ring. Even Booker seemed reluctantly impressed, and besides, the adverse work environment opposite Teddy Long should be very interesting.

3. A Go-Home Show on Friday? Get Out. I have to say that overall, I was pleasantly surprised by this Smackdown. Usually on the Friday night before a pay-per-view, especially a big one like SummerSlam, we get a show that is all video packages, with two squash matches thrown in. This show? Six matches, one of them a Divas match, and all of them relevant.  I really really hope that I can continue to see this level of entertainment for the Smackdown before a pay-per-view on a regular basis in the future. Definitely high marks for WWE here.

No Holds Barred!

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who built her entire world around pro wrestling. She watched every bit of programming she could find. It was the eighties, so she was a diehard Hulk Hogan fan, and when she heard that he was the star in a new movie, she was ecstatic!

Of course, being in a small town meant that No Holds Barred didn't open in the theaters, and she had to wait until it hit the video stores.

So she waited.

And she waited.

Finally, it came to the Blockbuster Video (wow, what a difference!) and she begged Mom and Dad to rent it. They relented, and and she settled in with a big bag of popcorn and popped the tape in. She was elated!

I don't remember my initial reaction to No Holds Barred. That being said, when I heard that it was being released on DVD earlier this year, I felt that familiar feeling in my heart again. I would be able to see it in glorious HD!

So I recently acquired a copy, and popped it in. I wasn't expecting Oscar-worthy performances, but I certainly wasn't expecting what I got. Masturbation jokes, one near rape, the vicious beating of Hogan's character Rip's brother (which left him wheelchair bound), and judging just on face value two manslaughters.

One thing I liked about No Holds Barred were the cameos. I spotted Mean Gene Okerlund, Jesse 'The Body' Ventura, Howard Finkel, and (my favorite cameo) Stan Hansen. The other thing I really liked was the performances from the film's villains. The first time I ever saw The Fifth Element, I automatically identified The President as Zeus. (I know he had a much more high profile role as Deebo in Friday, but my parents didn't let me watch 'that kind of movie' as a kid.) Kurt Fuller's performance as Brell was, to me, the best one in the whole movie. He really came off as an arrogant sleaze who would stop at nothing to acquire Rip for his network.

All in all, I have to say that No Holds Barred is a good movie. It's not great, but I don't feel it was meant to be. It's definitely worth the hour and a half running time, and probably worth a buy if you're a wrestling fan.

Week in Review: 8/6 - 8/10

Ohh... here it is. Apparently I never published it. So here goes.

Monday Night Raw

1. Twitter polls, and why they work out.  So, I voted for Punk to face Miz just like any good little Mizfit on Monday, but when a crowd favorite like Rey Mysterio is one of the options, you pretty much know immediately who is going to win.  And after some thought, I think that this turned out most beneficial overall for any of the options, especially if we were always going to see the other two men in competition later that night.  Punk is the only guy that Rey could have gone up against and lost, and not look like a step back in some fashion.  We did end up seeing Rey/Miz on Friday, but as far as Monday's poll is concerned, I think we got the best pair of matches we could have asked for.

2. And in this corner... So Shawn Michaels of course showed up while the 'E was in his home town, and then his BFF's SummerSlam opponent showed up, with his Mouth, and reiterated Brock's intention to decimate HHH in their match.  Shawn Michaels said something about it being personal (I dunno about that... maybe after next Monday?), and Brock Lesnar made an ominous comment about Shawn never having been in the ring with him and seeing him before SummerSlam.  Okay, business aside (and it was kind of a shit business segment altogether, only Heyman could save it), the big thing that we were supposed to get out of this is that Shawn Michaels intends to be in Triple H's corner at SummerSlam.  It's been a while since being in someone's corner was a big deal, and I kind of like this.  It's not about ridiculous stipulations or lengthy feuds built on jealousy or greed or any of the other deadly sins.  It's about, "I'm in this guy's corner, and that's why he'll win."

3. Damien Sandow is a Motherfucking Prophet.  We at Girls Watch Wrestling love to dance along with the Funkasaurus' music as much as anyone else, but his star has been on a pretty steady (but still happy) constant for a while.  Damien Sandow has done nothing but rise, faster and faster, since he debuted, and this week he took his Quest to Enlighten the Universe one step further by completely destroying Brodus Clay before he even made it all the way down the ramp.  Oh, the heat!  THE HEAT!!  He's well on his way to being way beyond Our Martyr and Intellectual Savior and instead simply being Our Wrestling God.

I know, I didn't talk about CM Punk's Headset Promo, but really it was kind of the same stuff as last week, except that he acknowledged that he let people walk all over him, and that it ends now.  And then he got destroyed by Big Show.  I do need to mention it here, though, because I need to make reference to it later.


TNA Impact

1. Look everyone, it's the TV Champion!  It's pretty sad that the Television Title can't see the light of day on television, unless of course the champion is competing for the Tag Team Championship, out of nowhere, with absolutely no match history in the last month, with a guy who also has no match history in the last month and who is still so green you can actually see vines growing out of his ears.  Seriously?  How does that work?  "Hey, Dixie, I know I haven't been defending my TV Title every week like Hulkster promised I would, but Garrett and I would really like another title that we can totally bury.  Is it cool if we give that a shot?"

2. Samoa Joe is Pissed: 2012.  2011's Joe is Pissed tour didn't come of anything, unfortunately, and I have been rooting for the guy in this year's series.  And it has reached that point in the Bound For Glory series where Joe gets pissed off.  So he took a page from his good buddy Punk's book, and came out between matches to grab a headset and declare that HE, not AJ, not Kurt Angle, and not Christopher Daniels, was going to pick up the 20 points in their Bound For Glory match this Sunday at Hardcore Justice.  It was delivered every bit as intensely as Punk's, and when it happened, I thought Punk won the Headset-Off.  But now I think it's too close to call, really.

3. Roode v. Aries is on.  So we had us a good old-fashioned contract signing on the show this week, and actually as far as contract signings go it was pretty tame.  Bobby Roode didn't want to sign the contract because it state that if he lost he didn't get another opportunity at the title while Aries was champion.  Aries thought he was sure making a lot of noise for a guy who was so confident he would win, but he offered up a new verbal agreement instead, and waived his obligatory rematch.  Everyone shook hands, the guys knocked over some furniture, and everyone left happy.  The thing I like best about Bobby Roode's whole stance is the way he makes "fluke" a two-syllable word, every. single. time.


Friday Night Smackdown

1. Bryan/AJ/Kane love triangle, continued.  AJ showed up as a special guest of Booker T's to mediate a disagreement between Daniel Bryan and Kane.  She explained that she didn't want to see them come out and attack each other every week, and that she made their SummerSlam match together, because she sees them both as amazing athletes.  She ordered Daniel Bryan to play nice, and requested that the two men shake on it.  There's a littler more to this segment, Kane attacked Bryan, AJ gave him praise from the ramp, and HOLY CRAP it should be illegal to make a 7-foot destruction machine look adorable, but Kane somehow managed a little smile.  Anyway, here's the point I wanted to make.  When AJ asked them to shake hands, and they just stood there, I was seeing Kane's thought pattern of, "I, uh.  I don't shake hands.  I just destroy people.  I kind of just had this thing with Randy Orton a few months ago where we fought at WrestleMania because I shook his hand in a moment of weakenss once.  I've purged myself of weakness now.  So, yeah, I'm not... Oh, god, you really want to shake my hand? Um... EMERGENCY PLAN, BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF DANIEL BRYAN."  Or, you know, something like that.  The point is, Continuity.

2. Midcard Hell Heats Up.  Jinder Majal mocked Ryback for beating the same two guys every week, and basically challenged Ryback by inviting him to watch Majal do the same.  So Jinder crushed two no-name local athletes, and afterwards, Ryback showed up, Jinder ducked out of the ring, and Ryback crushed the already crushed featherweights again.  I actually liked the promo from Jinder here, it was to the point, and intense without being overbearing.  And it finally gives Ryback something to do since Jinder's whole message basically equated to, "Two at a time, that's nice.  But you haven't fought me yet."

3. History Reincarnated, Act 2.  Three words: THE HIGHLIGHT REEL.  That's literally all I needed to see to be excited about this segment.  I wrote extensively on Wednesday about the Jericho/Ziggler feud, and how it mirrors the Jericho/Michaels feud in 2002, so this segment was definitely bound to happen.  And OMG did it ever deliver, even better than I imagined!  Vickie informed Jericho that Ziggler would not be appearing on his show, so Jericho responded by insulting Vickie for 5 minutes.  When Vickie had had enough, she said that was the very reason he wouldn't be showing.  Jericho turned back into Y2J just before ducking a briefcase shot from Ziggler who showed up from under the ring. Jericho laid out Ziggler, and then turned his attention to Vickie, and before I could even finish wondering "Is he gonna hit the woman on purpose this time????" Ziggler got back up, clocked Jericho with the briefcase, and he left with Vickie, truly looking for the first time like THE guy to beat.

4. An unexpected extra with an unexpected treat.  I had more than three things to say about Friday's show, and I would be completely remiss if I didn't mention the absolute show-stealing match between Antonio Cesaro and Christian.  I didn't think a whole lot of it going in, but this was a match full of back-and-forths and counters and just amazing wrestling all around.  Cesaro really looked like he was going to win, until Christian speared him out of nowhere to pick up the win.  However, as he was celebrating in the corner, he was distracted by Aksana, and Cesaro threw him outside the ring, and followed that up by slamming him into the barrier.  Cesaro may now be getting the second-biggest push in the company behind Dolph Ziggler.  I will certainly begin to look forward to seeing him on my television.

Why Jericho v. Ziggler is the greatest feud currently running

First, watch this:

Now, watch this:

And now, let's discuss.

See, I knew that this was going to be a good pairing when Jericho interrupted Dolph Ziggler's celebratory promo the night after Money in the Bank.  And then Ziggler started to insult Y2J, and accuse him of being out of touch.  Jericho finally silenced his claims that night by delivering a Code Breaker to the blossoming young talent.

The IWC has been enamored with Ziggler for a very, very long time, and there have been points at which we thought he was finally getting that push we all thought he deserved.  He's been good enough to win a chance or two to go after the title, he's talented enough to have been included in the Elimination Chamber this past year, but he's had a lot of trouble thus far making himself a credible top talent.  I realized quickly that there is nobody better to boost Dolph that far that fast than Jericho.  I knew instantly that they would play off of each other so ridiculously well, and that we, the wrestling fans, were going to be in for one hell of a treat through this match-up.

Then one night, I sat in front of our WrestleMania Anthology box set and said, "Someone pick a number between one and twenty!"  Mike picked nineteen, so we all sat down and watched WrestleMania XIX and suddenly, everything became so much clearer.  Jericho and Ziggler are replaying the rivalry between Michaels and Jericho nearly ten years ago.  Jericho, the learner, has become the master, and now it is his turn to make way for the next show-stopping charisma machine.

But here's my favorite part about this:  they're not just re-telling a story they've already told before.  They're re-writing it into its own greatness.  Yes, the underlying basis of the young kid thinking he's better than the veteran, and the veteran proving that experience trumps youth is still there.  But the details have been shifted around.  Instead of having Dolph say, "I got into wrestling to be the next Chris Jericho", we instead hear Jericho say, "Dolph Ziggler reminds me a lot of myself."  Jericho is one of those guys who can build a great feud AND put amazing emphasis on his opponent without burying him.  He says, "Ziggler is an amazing athlete... but he can't beat me."  and we believe him, despite the fact that we know Ziggler is telling the truth about Jericho not winning any of the really big matches since he's returned.

And what's great about re-writing historical battles is that now we're not sure how it's going to turn out.  Michaels/Jericho ended with Michaels victorious, and then Jericho absolutely destroying him afterwards.  But since they're turning history around, and we're viewing this rivalry from a different glass, there is every possibility that Dolph Ziggler will come out on top at the end of the night, and Jericho will have to concede that this young man was a worthy opponent, and no doubt deserves to be on top of the wrestling world.

No other rivalry in the top two companies comes close to being this well matched at this time. When I really think about it, it seems like not even the champions are getting play this good.  The only one that I can think of that even comes close (and it really kind of doesn't) is The Miz.  He is, by virtue of having won the title from him, still having to fight Christian, who at this point is a long-established veteran (first class of TNA Hall of Fame, let's not forget) who can give almost the same kind of credibility to midcard talent as Jericho can to a guy like Dolph Ziggler.  But there's no story there.  Miz won a title, defended a title, and has been stuffed into 6-man tag matches that gives air time to guys who deserve it while really focusing on a bigger rivalry.  That bigger rivalry?   You guessed it, Ziggler and Jericho.

Week in Review: 7/30 - 8/3

Monday Night Raw


1. CM Punk nearly hit the mark.  After looking forward to the "Why I Did It" speech all week, I was a little underwhelmed when the time actually came.  To his credit, he did make mention of "how Monday Night Raw should always end... with the focus on the WWE Champion."  However, the line felt incredibly thrown away, especially when he was almost immediately interrupted by Big Show.  Also granted, there are still two more weeks till SummerSlam, so there is still opportunity for him to build more anger and finally let loose on Big Show, Cena, and even The Rock, but I was expecting more of a big Whammy from him this week, and I didn't feel like he really delivered it.

2. AJ's first night of work.  I'm getting the feeling that people didn't like AJ as General Manager this week, and I can understand why.  Her backstage segment with Daniel Bryan was great, but other than that, all we saw of her was her coming out, making "proclamations" and consistently delivering her lines very awkwardly.  The emphasis on the wrong words, the pauses in all the wrong places... she still has the potential to be a really amazing GM, but she definitely needs a little bit of polishing.  These weeks leading up to SummerSlam are going to be a real test for her, as I imagine it's not easy to take over the job just before one of the Big Four.  Just like CM Punk above, I'm holding out hope for her, and just waiting to see how the next couple of weeks go.

3.  Daniel Bryan's Anger Management.  Here's something I actually did kind of enjoy.  Bryan kicking the shit out of Little Jimmy was hilarious (and R-Truth's selling of that was brilliant), and the backstage segment with the psychiatric evaluater was pretty well on the mark (The best little touch here was when he stopped "YES"ing long enough to gesture to the doctor and let him open his mouth before starting in again).  The icing on the cake, however, was Kane introducing himself as Daniel Bryan's Anger Management Therapist.  First of all, I didn't know they gave courses in that in Hell/Parts Unknown/Dental School.  And secondly, this only solidifies my idea that Kane's gonna end up being AJ's one-man wrecking crew.


TNA Impact


1. Aces & Eights send a message, then don't show up.  Half the roster vowed to be ringside for James Storm's match with Kurt Angle at the end of the night, because everyone is sick of this shit. Sting checked in on Brooke Hogan, who made a quick exit after receiving the cursed playing cards glued to a piece of cardboard.  And when everything was said and done, the main event played through as scheduled, everyone checked their backs, and the Aces & Eights weren't there.  You know who else didn't make an appearance at Impact this week?  That's right, Jeff Hardy.  So there.

2. Earl Hebner, same as he ever was.  By far the biggest laugh of the night in our household came when Madison Rayne adamantly assured Gail Kim that Earl would never screw someone in a match just before wishing her luck.  Everyone at home I think was distracted by the noises Ms. Tessmacher was making all the way through the fatal four-way, but what I found really amusing is that at points she was actually reacting exactly the same way I do when watching a really good match, which up until the ending, this was.  She also made a point of playing up the Knockouts Division as well as all of her potential opponents, which was actually pretty nice to hear.  She has a point, though.  You're not going to see a superplex in a Diva's match.  Not often, anyway.  Right now, we're lucky if we see a Diva's match.  Oh yeah, and if you already didn't know, Earl totally screwed Tara out of the title shot and gave it to Madison.  Brook Hogan is clearly too distracted to realize a replacement referee needs to be assigned.

3.  Claire's Baby Shower.  Christopher Daniels, wearing a scarf, drinking an appletini that he pulled out of his locker.  I'm growing to love his character, and am finding that he is the only entertaining thing about this whole angle.  Claire at this point has gone beyond random junkie who needs help, to obsessed stalker fan, and I think she may have had the fastest face-heel turn in history.  It's just not sitting well with me for some reason.  I want it to be over already.  I AJ to expose that she's not really pregnant after all and for Daniels to shrug and go, "Huh. Didn't see that coming." and then continue to be the glorious bastard that he is.


Smackdown!


1. Booker T's first night at the job.  So, in case you didn't already know it (because you don't follow WWE's facebook, or theirs or Booker's twitters), Booker T was announced as the new GM to Smackdown.  I was okay with this to begin with.  Sure, it means no more Booker T Bingo, no more witty banter between him and Cole, but he started off the night on a rather strong note, placing Sheamus in a match against Tensai (which was surprisingly interesting).  On the other side of the coin, Del Rio had to have a match against Randy Orton, who I guess is going to be Booker's go-to demo guy.  Then he ignored the shit out of Eve and gave Teddy Long a job in his office, because we really needed Teddy Long involved in the GM office.  This leads to the second bullet-point:

2.  Office politics at its worst.  So Eve showed up to offer her resume, and before she could even tell Booker how many words per minute she can type, Teddy Long showed up to be all buddy-buddy with the new boss.  Eve was of course, offended, and even if this was the other way around, she had every right to be.  One time I was working a shift I loved at a store I loved, and the owner hired a friend of his who had no experience with the field to be a manager.  This guy was terrible, and before I knew it, he had completely taken over my beloved shift despite the previous insistence that the fact I had to work a different shift a couple days a week was because no manager should be working one shift all the time.  All because he was the boss's friend.  But at least I didn't have the experience Eve did.  Booker blatantly hired his male friend over an ambitions female candidate, right in front of her face.  So I'm already in the "Fuck Booker" camp.  The worst part is, this probably only means more tag team matches.

Wow, I had no idea I was such a militant feminist.  I never thought I'd see the day I was defending Eve's character.

3. Antonio Cesaro will be the next US Champion.  He's bested Santino twice in a row now.  Hopefully he'll actually do something with the damned thing.

Rest O' The Week: 7/26 & 7/27

Impact Wrestling


You know what?  I think really the only thing worth noting this week was the continuation of the Aces & Eights story line.  Nothing went forward in the "AJ is the Father" angle, mercifully.  Matches were matches... nothing too memorable.  And the Gut Check guy got a chance to have his match and be voted into the TNA roster after Joey Ryan attacked Al Snow.  By the way, if you don't follow both of those guys on twitter, I would really recommend it.  They are pretty fun reads by themselves, and then the other day they got into a twitter fight that lasted for four freaking hours.  Anyway, since the Aces & Eights story line has spawned a few theories, that will be my focus for this segment.

1. James Storm is the leader, Bobby Roode is exposing the truth.  Kind of a dumb theory, but not without its bases.  James Storm does have reason to have all the guys who have been attacked taken out, and it all goes back to the title.  Hogan & Sting are the men in authority who could have given Storm another shot.  Austin Aries is the man who took the title from Roode.  Kurt Angle and AJ Styles ended up bystanders who were taken out for being his opponents.  However, here's where it starts losing sense.  Kurt Angle's attack put James Storm a match down in the Bound for Glory series.  If you're on top, you want to stay on top any way you can.  It would have made more sense for him to fight Angle (if he loses, he doesn't lose points unless it's a disqualification), and have the guys take out Samoa Joe's opponent last week.  As it is, taking that match away from James Storm essentially opened the door for Joe to pass him up and take the lead in the series.  The only way to save this if this is the payoff is that Storm doesn't care about the series anymore.  But if it is Storm, and it is about the title... Bound for Glory is kind of his goal on a silver platter.  So overall, not really a good choice.  Also, it's painfully obvious that the Aces & Eights are trying to misdirect our attention away from the real leader.  Which brings me to...

2.  Bobby Roode actually is the leader, and the team is backing off Storm to misdirect.  This one makes a little more sense, of course.  It's still about the title, but it's personal towards Storm as well.  Storm is the guy Roode took the title from, and he knows Storm will be working his way back into that picture sooner or later.  Now he's trying to make him look bad to keep him out of the picture.  Roode doesn't have the cushion of the Bound for Glory series under him, so it can't sit too well with him that one of these 14 guys will win an opportunity to compete for the belt that he feels should still be around his waist.  Again, Hogan is the authority figure who made the decision to let Aries compete, Aries is the guy who took the title, and Sting is the big name that sends the message "Don't Fuck With Us."  The rest has been an attempt to make Storm look as bad as possible to keep him out of the title picture.  This to me seems like the most plausible, and obvious, choice.  But they could always swerve us with a third option.

3. Jeff Hardy is sick of this shit.  I said before that I wanted Chavo to be involved for some reason, but I'm backing down off that now because there is absolutely no reason for it.  However, someone like Hardy, or even Bully Ray, who have been in contention several times in the last year but never quite touched gold, might just have the motivation to start taking out his competition in the series, and the authority figures who might stop them, in order to gain the advantage.  Bully Ray is fantastic on his own.  He's one of those one-man wrecking crews that doesn't need extra muscle to fight off opponents.  And while I'm not crazy about the idea of Jeff Hardy being in the title race, I've always liked him better in a team atmosphere.  Maybe a heel turn, and some back-up muscle would be... well, entertaining.  He can talk about how the "Creatures" who cheer for him secretly talk about him behind his back, how nobody in the locker room respects him despite being over a year removed from the Victory Road debacle, and now hard work and dedication hasn't paid off, so now he has to take more drastic measures.  I'm telling you, it could WORK.


Smackdown


1. The Miz has Staying Power.  I mentioned that I marked hard for the return of Miz at Money in the Bank, and even harder for his Intercontinental Championship win on Raw 1000.  I got home from work Friday night just in time for the show to begin, and wouldn't you know it?  Miz was the first thing on the screen.  In no uncertain terms, he let the "Peeps" know it was their votes that brought the title to him in the first place, and when Christian showed up to invoke his rematch clause (does "You don't get to choose when" only apply to world championships?), he got the chance to prove that he deserved to hold the title by beating him again.  Getting the show-opening match on this week of all weeks, and being allowed to showcase his talent surely must be a great compliment for a hard-working Miz.  And hopefully it means all of Cody's work restoring the title hasn't gone down the drain after all.

2. Chris Jericho, Professional Troll.  Well, Jericho was at it again this week. After Sheamus won his match against Cody Rhodes, it looked like Ziggler might cash in his briefcase.  However, Sheamus was far to alert and ready to fight for Ziggler's tastes, so he backed down.  Before he could slink off, however, Jericho came out of nowhere, to toss him right into a devastating Brogue Kick.  Afterwards, he climbed in the ring himself and delivered another Code Breaker.  Now, here are three beautiful little touches that made this encounter so mark-worthy for me:  #1: Jericho was wearing Ziggler's shirt.  #2: At one point when you could see the Titantron in the shot, you saw on it a shot of Jericho with his head settled on his crossed arms over the turnbuckle, shaking his head and clearly saying, "Poor baby."  #3:  That dismissive little shrug just before Jericho hit the Code Breaker.  All this feud needs is Jericho's head through his own Jeritron, and possibly some abuse on a close family member.  At SummerSlam, you can expect an amazing show of amazing wrestling, where Jericho will ultimately squeak out a victory, only to be totally decimated by Ziggler afterwards.  That's right, Jericho is now Shawn Michaels, and that is just fine with me.  Cause you know what?  After this exhibition, Ziggler will begin to become a household name, and it will give him the boost he needs to be a credible World Heavyweight Champion.

3. Damien Sandow is a Martyr, and He is Pissed. After the Big Rub from DX on Monday, Damien Sandow now proclaims exactly what he warned them before hand he would become.  He is Our Martyr.  But the moniker came at a cost, and now he's really pissed off.  He took his frustrations out on Yoshi Tatsu on Friday, and DAMN! was that ever a brutal beatdown.  Not only did it serve to vent his own frustrations, it's also sent a clear message that he will be a force to be reckoned with.  I expect he'll have his first real feud very soon.